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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Klan Correspondence 
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006 | 05:16 pm [commentary, hagerstown]
Steve

In my post from this morning I mentioned an email I wrote to Gordon Young, in response to a KKK recruiting flyer that was left in my parents' driveway.  I just rooted around in my Sent folder and found it, and I wanted to share.  There was this outrageous oath printed at the bottom of the flyer, with a space to sign and mail it back in if you wanted to become a member of the Klan, so when I wrote back I tried to make it as parallel to the oath as possible, take that structure and turn it around to say what I wanted to say.  Anyway, enough jabber.  Here's my email to Gordon Young, local Hagerstown Klan leader:

 

I, the undersigned, a native born member of the human race, being a

man of open mind and of stubborn faith in the ultimate potential of

men and women to do good despite strong evidence to the contrary

having recently been delivered to my door, am a believer in the

constitution and the laws of the United States of  America and the

rights delineated and guaranteed within to all people regardless of

race, religion, sexuality, or political belief.  I swear on my honor

to do everything within my power as an individual and as a member of

the larger group of reasonable and sensible men and women of the

world to resist, denounce, and defy the cowardly and hateful actions

of any Klansman or Klanswoman.  If I see any Klansperson in trouble I

will stand by and giggle and do absolutely nothing to come to their

aid.

 

As if I didn't have enough reasons to be embarrassed to be a human

being, you and your fellow homunculi had to toss your adorable little

application in my driveway.  Here are a few suggestions:  Pay the

eight year-old who types up your copy a few cents more an hour and

ask him to spell check and proofread before he hits Print.  Contrary

to what you may think, some of your fellow racists can read at above

a third-grade level and it might be a bit of a turn-off for them to

read something filled with misspellings, bad punctuation, and

improper forms of "too."  Kudos to whoever does your art design,

though--that red border is SNAZZY!  Almost made me want to forget the

fact that I am not a close-minded hate-monger so afraid of everyone

who isn't just exactly like my dumb white ass that I piss my pants

whenever I see black people without three or four of my equally

chickenshit white Christian brothers in the pickup to back me up, and

sign up!

 

You are ignorant, you are cowardly, and you are so very, very

pathetic.  For you and your detestable gaggle of bigots to succeed,

you will need my cooperation, but you will receive only my

resistance; you will need my respect, but you will receive only my

scorn; you will require my fear, but you will receive only my

disgust.  My thanks to whoever was nice enough to read this to Mr.

Young.  I hope you were able to explain the big words sufficiently

for his understanding.  Thank you for your indulgence and kiss my

white ass you sad, pitiful disgraces to mankind.

 

Steve Shives

Clear Spring, MD

 

If you wrote a letter to the Klan, what would you say?  In fact, why don’t you go ahead and write one?  I assume Gordo still has the same email address.  It’s: WorldKnights_ImperialWizard@yahoo.com.  Feel free to write the Imperial Wizard of Hagerstown and tell him what a piece of shit he is, and how much you appreciate him and his sad little band of bigots bringing their hate show to our hallowed Civil War battlefields.  I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.  I know I would.

 

Fuck the Klan.

Comments 
Monday, August 14th, 2006 | 10:23 am (UTC)
Wow. That's some shit. I wonder how they knew your family was white. It's creepy to think that they're out there, watching people come and go at their own homes, marking each residence by race on a map. Excellent response, in my humble opinion.
Monday, August 14th, 2006 | 01:08 pm (UTC)
That is pretty creepy. Though I think they probably go by neighborhood instead of by household. Where my family lives, in Clear Spring, it's pretty much 100% white. What pisses me off is the assumption that because I'm white, I must automatically want to join their little sheet-wearing cowards' club.
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