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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Nevada police finally arrest master criminal O.J. Simpson 
Monday, September 17th, 2007 | 01:54 pm [news]
Steve
The race for Funniest News Story of 2007 might be over (sorry, “June Deadliest Month of War So Far”). O.J. Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas yesterday, charged with robbery with use of a deadly weapon, conspiracy to commit robbery, burglary with a deadly weapon and two counts of assault with a deadly weapon and coercion, each of which, according to this story from the New York Daily News, carries a maximum sentence of 35 years.
 
A judge ordered O.J. held without bail. What is he accused of doing, exactly? According to the Vegas police, O.J. led an armed group of his friends into the hotel room of a sports memorabilia dealer and demanded they hand over several items they were trying to sell, items which O.J. claimed rightfully belonged to him. O.J. maintains his innocence despite the rapidly mounting pile of evidence to the contrary, a skill he honed to a fine point during his infamous 1995 trial for the murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman, when the jury defied DNA evidence, eyewitness testimony, and common sense to acquit Simpson of all charges.
 
The items O.J. and his boys broke into the hotel room to steal back included footballs and photos signed by O.J., baseballs signed by Pete Rose, O.J.’s NFL Hall of Fame plaque, a Joe Montana lithograph, and, just to make things even weirder and creepier than they were already, a photo of O.J. with former FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover. The Daily News article lists the value of that last one at $1,000, so it must have Hoover wearing the sundress.
 
Despite facing a lengthy prison sentence for the crimes he’s been charged with, O.J. seems to be taking this all in stride, at least if his new mug shot is any indication. Doesn’t he look a lot happier in this one than the other one? That’s good to see. Maybe it’s because he knows once he’s in prison, the pressure to keep looking for the real killer of his ex-wife and her friend will finally be off. Do they let you play golf in prison?
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