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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
What, no Skeptic's Annotated Dianetics? 
Sunday, October 28th, 2007 | 11:25 am [commentary, religion]
Steve
This week I found the greatest website in the history of great websites I have belatedly discovered. It’s the Skeptic’s Annotated Bible, created and maintained by Steve Wells, who describes the website as “the entire text of the King James Version of the Bible, but without the pro-Bible propaganda.” To someone interested in approaching the Bible objectively, with an open mind, as a text, not as a scripture, the site is invaluable. It’s also incredibly good for a laugh.

Many Bible-believing Christians are fond of declaring that their holy book (in contrast to all those other books, they imply, or sometimes state outright) is inerrant. In his FAQ, Wells argues quite reasonably that there is no such thing as an inerrant book. “There are a lot of books that come close to inerrancy, but the Bible is not one of them,” he says. “Of all the books that I know of, the Bible is the most errant.”

In addition to presenting the entire King James Bible, with asides on the many, many problem verses, the commentary is also arranged into categories like “Absurdity,” “Cruelty and Violence,” and “Science and History.” Here are a few of the more entertaining items:

Absurdities:

Plants are made on the third day before there was a sun to drive their photosynthetic processes. (Gen.1:14-19)

God, who is planning another mass murder, is worried that Abraham might try to stop him. so he asks himself if he should hide his intentions from Abraham. (Gen.18:17)

The Israelite population went from 70 (or 75) to several million in a few hundred years. (Ex.1:5,7, 12:37, 38:26)

Moses talks God out of killing all the Israelites. (Ex.32:11-13)

Cruelty and Violence:

God drowns everything that breathes air. From newborn babies to koala bears -- all creatures great and small, the Lord God drowned them all. (Gen.7:21-23)

God gives instructions for killing and burning animals. He says that if we will make such "burnt offerings," he will bless us for it. What kind of mind would be pleased by the killing and burning of innocent animals? (Ex.20:24)

Under God's direction, Moses' army defeats the Midianites. They kill all the adult males, but take the women and children captive. When Moses learns that they left some live, he angrily says: "Have you saved all the women alive? Kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." So they went back and did as Moses (and presumably God) instructed, killing everyone except for the virgins. In this way they got 32,000 virgins -- Wow! (Even God gets some of the booty -- including the virgins.) (Num.31:1-54)

Family Values:


God kills everyone (men, women, children, infants, newborns) in Sodom and Gomorrah by raining "fire and brimstone from the Lord out of heaven." Well, almost everyone -- he spares the "just and righteous" Lot and his family. (Gen.19:24)

A child who hits or curses his parents must be executed. (Ex.21:15, 17)

If you "entice" an "unmarried maid" to "lie" with you, then you must marry her, unless the father refuses to give her to you, in which case you must pay him the going price for virgins. (Ex.22:16-17)

God describes the torments that he has planned for those who displease him. The usual stuff: plagues, burning fevers that will consume the eyes, etc. but he reserves the worst for the little children. He says "ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it," "I will send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children," and "ye shall eat the flesh of your sons and daughters." (Lev.26:16-39)

Prophecy:

God says that if Adam eats from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, then the day that he does so, he will die. But later Adam eats the forbidden fruit (Gen.3:6) and yet lives for another 930 years (5:5). (2:17)

God promises to make Isaac's descendents as numerous as "the stars of heaven", which, of course, never happened. The Jews have always been, and will always be, a small minority. (Gen.26:4)

God says that Solomon's kingdom will last forever. It didn't of course. It was entirely destroyed about 400 years after Solomon's death, never to be rebuilt. (II Sam.7:13, 16)

This verse prophesies that Damascus will be completely destroyed and no longer be inhabited. Yet Damascus has never been completely destroyed and is one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities. (Is.17:1)

Science and History:

The Genesis 1 creation account conflicts with the order of events that are known to science. In Genesis, the earth is created before light and stars, birds and whales before reptiles and insects, and flowering plants before any animals. The true order of events was just the opposite. (Gen.1:1-2:3)

"God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good." He purposefully designed a system that ensures the suffering and death of all his creatures, parasite and host, predator and prey. (Gen.1:31)

"There were giants in the earth in those days." Well, I suppose it's good to know that. But why is there no archaeological evidence for the existence of these giants? (Gen.6:4)

It took the Israelites 40 years to travel from Egypt to Canaan, yet such a journey, even at that time, would have taken no more than ten days. (Ex.16:35)

Since the molten sea was round with a diameter of ten cubits and a circumference of thirty cubits, we know that the biblical value of pi is 3. (The actual value is approximately 3.14159.) (II Chr.4:2)

According to the Bible, the moon produces its own light and the earth does not move. (Is.13:10)

Those just scratch the surface. It’s really a very cool, very thought provoking website. Spend a few minutes checking it out. And, lest you think its creator is just some bitter anti-Christian atheist or something, he also maintains the Skeptic’s Annotated Qu’ran, and the Skeptic’s Annotated Book of Mormon. That last one is a real hoot. Goofy Mormons.
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