Needing to indulge a masochistic streak she shares with me, yesterday Ashley went to the website of the Moonlite BunnyRanch, that venerable old brothel in Carson City, NV, owned and operated by professional whoremonger and Ron Paul supporter Dennis Hof. She was curious to see if the girls featured were really as depressing to look at as I claimed last week. I think we found one of the girls I saw on MSNBC — she had short blonde hair and was bony enough, but her photos — presented on the website much as someone selling a used car on eBay might include a few snapshots on his auction page — had been airbrushed and Photoshopped to eliminate that not-so-sexy Auschwitz look.
We did, however, make another shocking discovery. A few days ago on this very blog, I suggested that maybe Ann Coulter could get a job at the BunnyRanch once her big mouth and dark soul finally wrecked her writing career for good and all. Well, I was wrong. She got a job there already. Check it out:
That is a picture of Ann Coulter. It doesn’t say it’s a picture of Ann Coulter. The girl photographed makes no claim to being author and noted moron Ann Coulter. But that is her, baby. It looks like a retouched senior picture or something, one of those slutty extra ones that girls always pose for once they get the yearbook shot; the ones they give to boyfriends, or put up on MySpace before abandoning the enterprise altogether for more exciting teenager-type activities like drinking to oblivious and waking up next to three or four others in a puddle of blended puke. The website claims the girl’s name is Bailey Monroe, but we all know what that is. (A pseudonym!) To the right is a screen grab of Ann Coulter calling John Edwards a faggot at CPAC earlier this year, to allow a comparison. See? The same thin, papery flesh, the same oblong skull, the same lifeless, forsaken hair, the same Margaret Hamilton nose. It’s her.
And she’s been smart not to advertise it, because she would fuck herself out of both jobs. Stick-up-their-ass conservatives would never buy a book authored by an active professional semen-receptacle, and while some men might be desperate or deranged enough to fuck a girl who looks like Ann Coulter, no one in his right mind is going to go within a hundred feet of the real thing, especially with his genitals in a vulnerable position. What’s worse is, in real life Ann Coulter doesn’t even look that good. Have you ever seen her in person, without the benefit of airbrushing or photographic filters? Here is a rare, untouched image of the real deal:
Have I mentioned how much I fucking hate Ann Coulter?