I never send out Christmas cards. Some people will mail Christmas cards to every person they know, whether they're friends with the person or not, which always struck me as incredibly disingenuous. Why mail a Christmas card to someone you never see and don't really give a shit about? To be polite. But what good is politeness if it's insincere? These are the questions I ask.
So this year, I decided to find out, and send Christmas cards to my friends and family. I came up with my own Christmas card, printed off a shitload of copies, and mailed one to everyone I could think of. Since I don't have any of your mailing addresses, and since I don't consider you worth the effort, I am sending you all my Christmas card right here, right now. Enjoy, and may the spirit of the season whatever whatever . . .