Best of 2007
Another year in the soon-to-be-rewritten-by-the-media-controlling-overlords books. Hard to believe that only twelve months ago 2007 was just a baby, crying day and night, filling its diapers with that disgusting yellow-green proto-shit, unable even to support its own head. Then around February, when Anna Nicole Smith went belly-up and Britney Spears buzzed her fucked-up head bald, the little bugger learned to crawl. It spent its adolescence watching Imus get fired and going to see 300, then in the summer it frittered away its middle age to the likes of Larry Craig’s lewd conduct arrest, Chris Benoit murder-suiciding his family, and Spider-Man 3. Moving into the twilight of its life, 2007 spent the fall watching wildfires devastate California, Drew Carey take over for Bob Barker on The Price is Right, and the Red Sox win the World Series. In its last days, it has witnessed a kinda-sorta Middle East peace conference in Annapolis, Maryland, the assassination of Pakistani leader Benazir Bhutto, and perhaps worst of all, the Writers Guild of America strike which deprived 2007 of its Christmas-themed episode of House. We’re sorry, 2007. We tried our best.
BEST FILM: You Pick One.
Really, I saw literally like four new films this year. I have no idea. Which is a shame, since everyone says this was the best year for movies in quite awhile. Guess I picked a shitty year to flake out on the cinema, huh? I was among the minority who thought Spider-Man 3 was actually pretty good, and that fifth Harry Potter movie was about twenty times better than it had any right to be, but I’m not good for much beyond that. So pick one — No Country for Old Men, There Will Be Blood, Atonement — I won’t see any of these until they come out on DVD next year, so I’m trusting you. Don’t fuck me on this one. Pick a good one. Not Epic Movie.
BEST ALBUM: We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, by Modest Mouse
Shove The Arcade Fire up your ass, world. One thing I did manage to do this year, while not seeing any new movies, was to listen to a bit of new music. My boys Modest Mouse whipped some ass, making an album so far superior to anything else I heard from 2007 that it doesn’t even seem worth it to put together an honorable mention list. This is a motherfucking superb album. Virtually ignored by the Grammys, unsurprisingly, but this is the real deal. Isaac Brock’s lyrics are three times as interesting as anyone else’s, whether he’s singing them or screaming them, and new member Johnny Marr fits in beautifully with the rest of the band, contributing to some of their best work yet, including “Parting of the Sensory,” “Missed the Boat,” and “Spitting Venom.” Beat that, mascara wearers.
BEST SONG: “Radio Nowhere,” by Bruce Springsteen
Come on, like I’m not gonna give it up to the Boss when he releases a new album as awesome as Magic. This is somewhat of a lazy pick, being that it’s the single, but I can’t deny what an awesome, kick-ass piece of rock ‘n roll it is. The album has other great songs that deserve mentioning, including “Girls in Their Summer Clothes,” which I almost picked, but I didn’t listen to any song this year quite as often as “Radio Nowhere.” It kicks my ass. Pay heed, young would-be rockers, when Springsteen breaks out the amp and wants to do some rockin’ — stay clear, and pay heed.
BEST DVD: Angel: Seasons 1-5
Ashley the Best Girlfriend in the World came through again this year, picking up this little box of treasure off Amazon for me for Christmas. Contained within that unassuming cardboard cube is every episode of one of the coolest, funniest, and all around best television series anyone ever even thought about making. And it’s all mine, mine, mine!!!
Mine, do you hear?!?
Happy 2008, everyone. See you next year.