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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
It's April Fools' Day — get in the spirit! 
Tuesday, April 1st, 2008 | 10:22 am [holidays, humor]
Steve
Today is April Fools’ Day, the biggest prank holiday there is. I have fond memories of April Fools’ Days past, like the time in middle school when I walked in and a group of my friends convinced me that another friend of ours had been kidnapped; or when teachers in every class assigned just mountains of homework, then the principal announced right before the final bell that there was no homework afterall. Maybe you all have similar recollections.
 
But if you’re like me, though you enjoy being fooled on April 1st, you have a hard time getting in on the fun. Putting together a good prank takes time, ingenuity, and guts. It takes commitment. There’s a lot of pressure. This is the World Series of practical jokes — fuck up today, and you’ll have to wait a whole year for a shot at redemption. So, here are a few suggestions for April Fools jokes that you can pull on friends, family, or complete strangers that are guaranteed to impress:
 
  • Call your local police and confess to a notorious unsolved crime. Sit through their interrogation, trying not to smile as they slowly realize that your story doesn’t add up, then leap to your feet and shout, “Stupid cops, I never even met [name of victim], let alone raped, killed, and cannibalized her! April Fools!”
     
  • Replace a chemotherapy patient’s Emend with Benadryl capsules. When they find themselves vomiting profusely, and unusually drowsy to boot, return their medication and let them in on the gag, so you can both enjoy a hearty laugh.

  • Secretly obtain the bank account or credit card information of a random stranger. Run up huge bills ordering various products and services on the internet, which you have delivered to the home of another random stranger. Sit back and laugh as the second stranger is unjustly accused of identity theft.

  • Stage a bloody public shootout by rigging several friends with exploding squibs and shooting at them with blank ammunition. Get creative: stage the shooting at an elementary school right after dismissal to freak out the kids, or in the local shopping mall for that epic massacre feel.

  • Enlist a friend and hang around your local truck stop long enough to learn the name, hometown and employer of a particular driver. Contact the driver’s employer claiming to be a police officer from the driver’s hometown. Inform the employer that the driver’s home has burned to the ground, killing his entire family, and that he must be notified. If the employer volunteers to make the call, great; if the employer just gives you the driver’s number, get your friend to make the call for you. Either way, shadow the driver and wait for him to get the terrible news. As he collapses to the ground, sobbing incoherently, struggling to comprehend the magnitude of his loss, exchange high-fives with your friend.
There you go. Have fun with them, make them your own, and you can thank me by not mentioning who gave you the idea, should you be apprehended by the authorities.  Happy fooling!
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