Bush proposes extending tax cuts to infinity, no backsies
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President George W. Bush, in a Rose Garden press conference this morning, called on members of the Senate and House of Representatives to make permanent the tax cuts passed by Congress and signed by Bush in 2001. The lower income tax rates instituted by the Economic Growth and Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2001, and accelerated by the Jobs and Growth Tax Relief Reconciliation Act of 2003, are currently scheduled to expire in 2011. Bush and other Republicans, including presumptive presidential nominee John McCain, have maintained that allowing the tax cuts to expire would amount to a tax increase on millions of Americans.
“In a time of economic uncertainty, with fuel and food prices continuing to rise, and many Americans fearing for their jobs, it would be irresponsible to burden taxpayers with higher income tax rates,” Bush told reporters gathered outside the White House. “Therefore, I call on members of both houses of Congress, in both parties, to make the current tax cuts permanent, to infinity, no backsies.”
The “no backsies” provision is necessary, Bush said, to ensure that the tax cuts are not negated by Congress through subsequent legislation. “It is not enough to merely pass a measure removing the sunset statute from the tax relief act,” said the president. “We must takes steps to prevent a future session of Congress from raising taxes on the American people. Making the present tax rates permanent, to infinity, no backsies, will protect coming generations from prohibitively high federal income tax.”
Bush then handed over the proceedings to press secretary Dana Perino, slapping her lightly on the arm and calling “You’re it!” before turning over the lectern and starting inside.
Bush’s “no backsies” proposal is controversial, with congressional Democrats claiming that it is beyond the authority of the president or the Congress to impose any legislation on future generations in perpetuity. “Explain to me the point of having representative government if the representatives you elect are handcuffed by laws passed by the guys your grandparents elected,” said Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), who has served in Congress since 1953.
Reporters attempted to question Bush on his proposal as he walked back toward the White House following his remarks, but the president pointed behind him at Press Secretary Perino and said, “No tag-backs.” When several reporters persisted, Bush stopped, placed his hand on a marble column, and announced he could no longer be questioned due to the fact that he was “on base.”
Clooney sitcom episodes only permanent losses from Universal fire
HOLLYWOOD, CA — The fire which swept through the lot at Universal Studios, Hollywood over the weekend destroyed standing film sets, as well as part of the film and video library. Nearly all of the videotape collection was lost, though the studio claims most of the destroyed tapes have surviving back-ups stored elsewhere. The only permanent losses as a result of the fire are numerous episodes of various situation comedies that guest-starred a pre-ER George Clooney.
The Clooney appearances lost include 17 episodes of The Facts of Life in which Clooney starred as handyman George Burnett, episodes of The Golden Girls, Roseanne, and Baby Talk, and the entire 22-episode run of E/R, the hospital sitcom Clooney starred in nearly ten years before his star-making role as Dr. Doug Ross on the NBC drama ER.
A spokesman for Universal claimed the Clooney episodes were the only items in the vast studio vault that had not been backed-up. Asked for an explanation, the spokesman shrugged and replied tersely, “We saw no reason.”
Reached by telephone for comment, Clooney seemed to be taking the loss in stride. “You mean they’ll never be able to release the pilot of The Building on Blu-Ray?” he asked. “Um, dammit, I guess.” Clooney then turned away from the phone and was heard to ask someone near him if they happened to know where the Warner Bros. vault was before ending the call.
The Lighter Side:
Hagerstown man hates Meat Loaf, likes meat loaf
HAGERSTOWN, MD — Douglas Jordan, a forklift operator for a local distribution center, knows good music when he hears it. For him, it doesn’t include the work of Michael Aday, the singer better known as Meat Loaf who shot to fame in the 1970s with his album Bat Out of Hell. Douglas also knows what he likes for dinner. For him, it doesn’t get much better than a hot plate of Bob Evans meat loaf, smothered in thick brown gravy.
No, you don’t need to have your eyes examined. Douglas Jordan hates Meat Loaf, but likes meat loaf.
“It’s never really come up before,” Douglas said when asked to explain his apparent cognitive dissonance. “I mean, I don’t like Meat Loaf’s music. I enjoy meat loaf, the dish. Neither one of them really defines my personality.”
Pressed to account for the discrepancy, Douglas seemed confused. “Meat Loaf has just never done it for me,” he said. “That big, over-produced kind of music, songs written to sound like medleys of three other songs, I don’t get that whole shtick. I find meat loaf, on the other hand — the baked combination of beef and eggs, breadcrumbs, vegetables, and I think Bob Evans puts some kind of sausage in theirs — to be delicious.” Jordan paused to stare quizzically at this reporter, then said, “I don’t understand what one has to do with the other. Just because they have the same name doesn’t mean that I can’t have dissimilar opinions of each of them.”
Sounds like someone should stick to his forklift!