Yesterday were the final two Democratic primaries, and Barack Obama officially claimed a majority of pledged delegates and super delegates for the Democratic convention, making him — finally, thank fucking Christ — the presumptive Democratic nominee for President of the United States. Hillary Clinton, showing the same grace and humility we have all come to expect from her, refused to concede in a speech last night. Instead, Hillary — who, barring a shitload of Obama super delegates spontaneously switching sides, is now mathematically eliminated from the race — asked her supporters to go to her website and tell her what they want her to do.
What is the point of dragging this out? The time for a graceful exit was a few months ago; the least she could do is admit that the race is over and begin campaigning for Obama, as she promised many times she would. It reminds me of that episode of The Office, when Dunder Mifflin’s CFO tells Michael that he will not be hired for a corporate job, and Michael responds by “respectfully withdrawing” his name from consideration, and asking the CFO if he accepts the withdrawal. Michael thinks it’s a face-saving maneuver, but it’s really just sad and pathetic. The big difference: Michael Scott is likable, and Hillary is one of the most contemptible people in American politics.
Anyway, now that the primaries are over, we can focus on the general election and start asking the really important questions, the questions which, through their answers, will decide who will be the next President of the United States. Questions like, “What’s your favorite movie?” and “Who are your personal heroes?”
I was looking at the website of Project Vote Smart this morning, and found some interesting little fun facts in the “Additional Biographical Information” of some of the current and former presidential candidates. Barack Obama, for instance — his favorite movies are Casablanca, The Godfather, The Godfather, Part II, Lawrence of Arabia, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I’m not sure what the source is for this information, if it comes from the candidates themselves, but there’s nothing too offensive there, right? All great movies. And at least he’s not pandering to those who accuse him of not being black enough by claiming Cleopatra Jones or Dolemite as favorites. Barack’s favorite musicians are listed as Miles Davis, John Coltrane (who is also listed as a personal hero), Bob Dylan, Stevie Wonder, Johann Sebastian Bach, and The Fugees. Under “special talents,” he lists “basketball, writing, loafing with kids.” Elect this motherfucker, America!!!
John McCain, the only other guy with a chance of being elected president this year, lists his favorite films as Viva Zapata!, Letters From Iwo Jima, and Some Like it Hot. Another guy with good taste in movies. It would have been nice to see a candidate choose something a little less obvious, like Carnival of Souls or Gerry or Hoop Dreams — something that suggested they really had some interest in film, or would have given some insight into their personalities. At least no one chose, like, Love Story or The Matrix. Isn’t it interesting, too, that McCain went with Letters From Iwo Jima over Flags of Our Fathers, or Saving Private Ryan or some other more American-centric recent war flick?
The Vote Smart site has information on dozens of candidates, not just the Republicans and Democrats. Ron Paul, who I believe is currently stumping for the top spot on the Lunatic Party’s ticket, lists Ludwig von Mises as his personal hero. . . . It’s amazing his campaign never got beyond his weird little niche, isn’t it?
There’s also a page for my favorite avowed Nazi running for the presidency, John Taylor Bowles. The fat little twerp filled out the forms in every category, giving us a precious glimpse into his complex and multifaceted intellect. Favorite books? The Bible, Mein Kampf. Favorite type of music? Classical, Military. (How many copies of “Ride of the Valkyries” do you figure this guy has?) Favorite vacation spot? “Hershey Park/Pennsylvania.” One thing you’d like to do before you die? “See if it's possible George Bush, Jr. Can [sic] restrain from drinking alcohol and being a drunk for 1 day/Nuke Israel.” Person you most want to meet, dead or alive? “Adolf Hitler and apoligize [sic] for Americans involvement in WW2.” And last but not least, Personal hero? “George Lincoln Rockwell, for giving his life For the White Race in America.”
George Lincoln Rockwell, by the way, was the founder of the American Nazi Party, a Holocaust denier who advocated deporting all blacks “back” to Africa, and sterilizing Jews, who is revered by Neo-Nazis as “the American Hitler,” who was killed by a captain in his own party as he exited a laundromat. At least Bowles has something to aspire to.