Mark Levin (the shrill know-nothing radio know-it-all who tried to grab the attention of people outside his audience of Sean Hannity leftovers a few weeks ago by calling Bill O’Reilly mean names, in case you’d forgotten) rants and raves nearly every day that Barack Obama is a socialist. Yes, yes, he’s a socialist. He’s a radical. He wants to redistribute wealth. He has neither knowledge nor respect for our constitution. I for one am sick of hearing it. Barack Obama is not a socialist.
<——This guy, on the other hand . . .
(Levin also constantly accuses Obama of being a Marxist, but something tells me John Taylor Bowles isn’t one of those.)
I only bring my favorite Nazi bed-wetter to your attention again because we are so close to the election, and, as you know, the gentleman from South Carolina is a presidential candidate.
Ashley and I received our specimen ballots in the mail yesterday. It’s not quite as scatological as it sounds. These are sample ballots that the county election board sends out to all registered voters a month before the election, in case we forgot about it. And there are images of the touch-screen voting machines and instructions, in case you are sufficiently stupid or near retirement age to need step-by-step assistance to correctly touch the name of the person you want to vote for. I know some people are still skeptical of the electronic voting machines, thinking they make it easier to rig the results, preferring the old mechanical contraptions that left a better paper trail; but I’m all for the touch-screens. If you’re over 18 and you can order food at Sheetz, you can vote, goddammit. God bless America.
On our way back home from the post office, I opened up my specimen ballot and was shocked to find that John Taylor Bowles was not listed with the other candidates. A travesty! A miscarriage of justice — an atrocity, I dare say. You mean to tell me that the people of Maryland will have only Barack Obama, John McCain, Cynthia McKinney, Bob Barr, Ralph Nader, and Chuck Baldwin to choose between when casting their votes for the next President of these United States? What of John Taylor Bowles — the White People’s Candidate? McCain, Barr, Nader, Baldwin — where are the Caucasians?! Who are the white people supposed to vote for?
I was certain there had been a mistake, an accidental — but no less grievous — oversight. I turned the page of my election notice to the list of registered write-in candidates. Surely there I would find the name of the beady-eyed, moon-faced Nazi John Taylor Bowles.
But no! Cruelest fate, it was not to be. But why? How? Surely even a functionally illiterate, needle-dicked fascist like Bowles knows that the only requirement to get on the ballot in Maryland as a write-in candidate is to fill out a form (which can be downloaded online), have it notarized and return it to the State Board of Elections by the Wednesday before election day. No petition signatures, no application fee are necessary.
This is a pretty serious oversight for the Bowles campaign, especially considering he isn’t on the ballot in his home state of South Carolina, and that state doesn’t accept write-in votes. He doesn’t seem to be on the ballot in Minnesota either, which is strange considering it’s the home of his National Socialist Order of America and thus one of the only places other than his home state where he would potentially get one or two votes. Pardon me for saying so, but Bowles really ought to fire whoever’s in charge of his campaign. I just don’t think “fat wannabe Hitler with zero ballot presence” is a winning strategy.
Hang on — apparently the only contributor to the John Taylor Bowles campaign according to the Federal Election Commission is . . . John Taylor Bowles, who gave himself $582 on March 31 of last year, and another $73 on June 30 of last year. I wonder what he spent that money on. Evidently it wasn’t on postage to the various state election boards. Funny that Bowles didn’t mention he was his campaign’s sole contributor when he was interviewed by Wikinews in February:
Campaigning for the American presidency is one of the most expensive exercises in the world. How do you deal with the cost and fundraising?
My campaign is financed by grassroots supporters throughout the USA. I won’t accept any corporation donations or any type of donation not allowed by the Federal Election Commission.
“Grassroots supporters throughout the USA” = “My pimply white ass.”
Seriously, though. What do you think he spent his self-contributed campaign funds on?
A definite possibility. What about the other $73, though?