My girlfriend is better than yours because . . .
. . . as of today, she works at a library. That’s right, asshole. What does your girlfriend do — pour coffee at Denny’s? Fuck that bitch.
“But Steve, I don’t love her because of her job. I love her because she is a tall, leggy blonde with icy blue eyes and a smokin’ body.” Well, I hope you and your commie princess have a real swell time, comrade. But while you and Mrs. Khrushchev are busy tossing Bibles on the bonfire, my girl will be reading to 5 year-olds and teaching them about the wonders and beauty of literature, expanding their imaginations and enriching their views of the world, so fucking kiss my ass.
I hope you and your Siberian she-bitch are very happy together. My girl will be busy making a difference, motherfucker.