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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
And it's not even Thanksgiving yet! 
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 | 05:32 pm [ann coulter, commentary, news]
Steve
So what if Thanksgiving isn’t until tomorrow? Let me reflect, for I have so very many reasons to be thankful. I’m thankful for my life, for my health, for Ashley and my family and all the people I love. I’m thankful for my education and the opportunity I’ve been given to pursue it. I’m thankful for trees, and grass, and clouds. I’m thankful for the Moon and the stars and the Sun. I’m thankful for whitetail deer, and I’m thankful I’ve never hit one with my vehicle, though I’ve come real goddamn close a couple of times. I’m thankful for baseball, and Barack Obama, and Buster Keaton. I’m thankful for the twenty-three years I got to spend with my Pap, and the twenty-eight-and-counting I’ve had with my Granny.

And, this year, just now, today, I’m thankful for Ann Coulter falling and breaking her face and having her jaw wired shut. At least that’s what the New York Post’s Page Six says.

 

Oh God, oh Monad, oh Prime Mover of the universe, let it be true. Let it be true, let it be true, let it be true.

 

This might actually cause me to reconsider my disbelief in an active and personal God, because if Ann Coulter being unable to speak for a few weeks ain’t the answer to somebody’s prayer, I don’t know what the fuck else to call it.

 

I don’t believe in the supernatural power of prayer, and I don’t believe in karma, poetic justice, or the law of attraction. But for the sake of Ann Coulter, founding member of the Cocksucker Hall of Fame and perpetual embarrassment to her party, country and species, I’m willing to pretend. 

Thanks, Universe. Measured against the immensity of human suffering, I guess it’s not a terribly significant gesture. But it’s something. I appreciate it.

Comments 
Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 | 11:12 pm (UTC)
Times like these make me question my lack of faith.

But seriously, did I ever tell the story of the girl in my Religions in America class at HCC? She brought The Secret in for her presentation. I almost broke my jaw from laughing so hard.
Thursday, November 27th, 2008 | 05:24 am (UTC)
I bet. Ashley brought the Secret DVD home from the library once and we watched it for a laugh. It was one of the most appalling things I've ever seen.

So if we want something, all we have to do is ask the universe for it? The universe is like Santa Claus, or an ATM machine that dispenses pure, shining, golden, perfect happiness.

And it works every time. That's the most heinous part to me, the most utterly ludicrous and the most morally outrageous. So all those people who drowned in the Indonesian tsunami or in New Orleans, the people murdered at Columbine High School or Virginia Tech, the thousands killed everyday in random, unavoidable accidents, the people with cancer and AIDS and debilitating genetic conditions, they all brought it on themselves? They had it coming? The universe did it to them because they had a shitty attitude?

It's really one of the most revolting and morally outrageous ideas I've ever heard.
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