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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Dog vs. Dog: What breed for the Obama girls? 
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 | 03:05 pm [barack obama, dog vs. dog]
Steve


QUESTION
Rumor has it the long awaited Obama family dog will arrive at the White House next month. Ideally, what breed should the president and Mrs. Obama adopt for themselves and their little girls?

Isn’t this kind of a silly question? The Obamas have already chosen a breed. They’re getting a Portuguese Water Dog.

Don’t feel bad — I’m a plush facsimile of a dog, and I’d never heard of a Portuguese Water Dog before, either. It must be one of those breeds that only people who watch the Westminster Dog Show are familiar with. They have thick curly hair and look sort of like big poodles. And, unfortunately for them, like poodles, their owners seem to enjoy humiliating them with disgusting haircuts. I hope the Obamas don’t plan on doing this to their dog:

 

 

 

You think there isn’t an evolutionary reason dogs don’t have opposable thumbs? The first dog born with one had a number done on him like that one up there and blew his brains out first chance he got. Beneficial adaptation, we hardly knew ye.

 

Also, I thought President Obama said something a few months ago about wanting to adopt a dog from a shelter. Take another look at the fella in the picture. How many of him would you expect to find at the SPCA? I’m just saying.

 

 

German Shepherd.

 

That was an easy one.

 

Since I have some room left, let me graciously yield the balance to my love, my mate, my spermatozoa receptacle, the beautiful Ms. Millicent Jaclyn London:

 


Hellooooo! Greetings, loyal Dog vs. Dog readers! I am Millicent Jaclyn London, main squeeze of the delightfully virile Toby Benson, and purebred Siberian Husky! Why do I bring this up, you ask? Because it just so happens that the purebred Siberian Husky is the ideal breed for the president and his family!

 

Purebred Huskies are truly the epitome of canine excellence. We are the strongest, most loyal and cleverest dogs that have ever lived. I’m sure you have seen dog owners amusing themselves by pretending to throw a ball for their dog, only to keep hold of the ball in their hand while their poor (probably mixed-breed) dog charges off after it. This trick does not work on purebred Huskies. In fact, I have seen Huskies successfully employ this deception on humans on several occasions. It’s all in the follow-through.

 

There are many other advantages to purebred Huskies which, though not common knowledge, are well known to those familiar with this extraordinary breed. For instance, Huskies are the best dogs for families with children, as they are strong enough to drag unconscious little ones out of burning buildings, and willing and able to help out with homework. It is also a fact that the Donner Party would have arrived safe and sound in California had they brought a few Huskies along with them.

 

I wouldn’t even want to say the sort of awful things I’ve heard about Portuguese Water Dogs. They are really just a horrid, ugly breed. Oh, certainly there are a few good ones — I’m always the first to say it! — but the First Family could do so, so much better. Do yourselves and your little daughters a favor, Obamas, and Choose Husky!

 

Thank you for reading, you wonderful people! May Husko bless and keep you! Ta-ta!

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