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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Dog vs. Dog: Are Obama’s apologies to Europe appropriate? 
Monday, April 6th, 2009 | 03:43 pm [commentary, dog vs. dog, politics]

U.S. President Barack Obama has made clear to the European heads of state with whom he has met during his tour abroad that “the United States is changing,” and has apologized for recent American foreign policy which he described as “arrogant.” Are Obama’s apologies a long overdue show of humility from an American leader, or evidence that Obama is an unpatriotic appeaser?

Conservative talkers like Sean Hannity and Mark Levin have been throwing such hissy fits over President Obama going to Europe and talking down the United States that lots of folks think Obama actually did that. He didn’t, of course. He acknowledged that the U.S. hasn’t been the most popular republican democracy in the world these last few years, and promised that we’d try to do better by our allies under his watch. But what Hannity and company have been complaining about isn’t what Obama said, but what he didn’t say.


This morning, like every morning, Steve was listening to Dennis Miller on the radio while I was trying to sleep. As I lay there waiting for Steve to go to class so I could catch back up on my beauty rest, I overheard Miller going on and on about how angry he was at Obama for apologizing for the United States rather than singing its praises.


Is America an under-praised country? Please.


Not only is this a stupid thing to get this upset about, it shows how much class these people have. Does Dennis Miller go over to Dana Carvey’s house and spend the whole visit going on and on about how much nicer his own place is than Carvey’s? . . . He might, actually, but if he does he’s a jerk.


Imagine if Gordon Brown had come over here a few weeks ago and used his time in America to crow about how Great Britain ended slavery decades ahead of us, resisted the advance of Hitler for two years before we finally joined the war, and regularly produces chimney sweeps more articulate and eloquent than most of our presidents. That’s what Obama’s right-wing critics expected him to do, apparently.


But he didn’t. And good on him for it. Having a president classy enough not to criss-cross Europe waving his red-white-and-blue-painted dick in everyone’s faces is a welcome switch, I think.



Here’s my favorite part of Obama’s overseas trip so far: When he bowed before the King of Saudi Arabia and the king, when the president was through groveling, said to him, “Hey, man, in return for that humble show of respect, I’ve decided to implement sweeping democratic reforms in my own country, give women and non-Muslims equal rights of citizenship, give the public beheadings a rest, use my wealth and influence in the region to pressure Iran and Syria to straighten up their acts, and hey — you know all those billions and billions of liters of oil you guys buy from us every year? From now on, you can have ‘em for friend prices! Peace!”


Hey, but wait — that never happened.


Are Obama’s apologies appropriate? Who gives a shit? You think I’m gonna complain about him saying he’s sorry for George W. Bush being such a peckerhead? It’s the closest thing to closure Europe’s ever gonna get on that one, ‘cause God knows Bush is never gonna apologize. And I’m not gonna piss and moan about him not going out of his way to sing America’s praises over there, either. Are we a bunch of thin-skinned whiny little bitches, or what? He’s not over there to wave our flag in everyone else’s face, for Christ’s sake. Get over it.


No, what I’m pissed about is that he’s been over there for like a week kissing ass and he hasn’t got jack shit to show for it. I’ve got no problem with the president going over there and making nice with our useless allies, as long as he gets somewhere. People say it’s a sign of weakness, or that he’s an appeaser, or whatever. But I say “So the fuck what?” as long as he gets results! I think it’d be pretty cool for him to be all nice and complimentary to all those dopey continental types, really butter them up, then come back stateside, walk smiling off the plane and be all like, “Yeah, I got Germany to send five thousand more troops to Afghanistan and all I had to do was tell the chancellor how good their stupid food tasted!”


But no. Instead, the President of the United States meets the King of Saudi Arabia and gives him a bow so deep he could have kissed the dress-wearing bastard on his sweaty Bedouin dick, and gets nothing out of it but a rush of blood to the head and acute lumbago.

I hope Obama’s serious about wanting to invest in alternative energy so we can stop buying all that oil from those assholes. Then the next time Barack gives the king a bow like that, he can be facing the other way.

Friday, April 10th, 2009 | 03:48 pm (UTC)
2 points for Sgt. Benson.

I'm curious to see what kind of results we get from all the ass kissing, too.

Obama has made it very clear to everyone that he's not happy with the way things were handled before him. Ok, fair enough, either are we. If our allies had any doubt how Obama perceives past foreign relations, he set their minds at ease. Now it's really, really time to move on from the past, let's see where all this new nicey nice energy takes us. No more apologies are needed. Seriously, it's time for Obama to stop the warm fuzzy giving business, before it begins to feel like self-deprecation to Americans. We have a lot to be proud of, and maybe we shouldn't go boasting about our greatness, but if your gonna bow to another king on someone else's turf, then be sure to kiss your people when you get home. Make it a good and slobbery one, too. If Obama doesn't start sharing the verbal love with Americans, we're gonna start suspecting were being cheated on.


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