As of this past Sunday, Sarah Palin is no longer the Governor of Alaska. She has abdicated as promised and her lieutenant governor, Sean Parnell, now wears the crown of antlers and has assumed the moose-fur-upholstered throne. At her farewell picnic on Sunday, she tried to go out with a bang, but just wound up delivering the sort of weird, rambling, barely coherent speech we have all come to expect from her by now. To hear oration from Palin is to reflexively pine for the eloquence and lucidity of George W. Bush.
Maybe shoving Palin out in front of the Republican party was W’s idea all along. It makes sense. Shit, it would take nothing short of a Palin presidency to make George’s eight years look like slightly less of a sustained national catastrophe. You all know how I feel about conspiracy theories . . . but I’m just saying.
Maureen Dowd published a column yesterday comparing Palin to Hillary Clinton, and made some interesting points. For instance:
Sarah once criticized Hillary for being a whiny presidential contender, arguing that women who want “to progress this country” should not complain about being under a “sharper microscope,” but instead should just work harder to prove themselves capable. Now Sarah is a whiny presidential contender, complaining about the sharper microscope that women wanting to progress this country are under and rejecting advice to work harder to prove herself capable.
The Alaskan who shot to stardom a year ago as the tough embodiment of Diana the Huntress has now stepped down as governor and morphed into what the Republicans always caricatured Hillary as — preachy, screechy and angry.
Ouch. To be fair, there are some major differences between Palin and Hillary Clinton. Most apparently, Palin is rock-fucking-stupid, whereas Hillary is just a little evil. Between the two of them, I know who I’d rather have running the country, assuming for some reason one of those nightmare scenarios had to come to pass.
A little more from Dowd:
In her cuckoo speech in Fairbanks, Sarah warned Alaskans to “be wary of accepting government largess. It doesn’t come free.” Funny coming from a woman who charged the Alaskan taxpayers every time she worked from Wasilla.
She also went after that old conservative villain Hollywood, saying, “They use these delicate, tiny, very talented celebrity starlets” for “their anti-Second Amendment causes.”
Sarah seems happily oblivious that she benefited from Hollywood casting techniques. Just as movie directors have beautiful young actresses playing nuclear physicists and Harvard professors, knowing the fusion of sex appeal and a heavyweight profession will excite, the novelty of a beautiful former beauty queen and TV reporter cast in a powerful role that has featured dour, gray old men like Dick Cheney was thrilling. At first.
I remember that “at first,” too. Shit, it was only a year ago. Barack had just wheeled out ol’ Smilin’ Joe Biden as his running mate, and then out came McCain with this chick from Alaska nobody other than Bill Kristol had ever heard of. And we all thought it was a brilliant move from McCain, seizing the momentum, defying expectations to put an unknown on the ticket, choosing to run with a woman after Barack had passed Hillary over — I was impressed.
Then she started talking. And thus died “at first.” The old campaign is still maintaining solidarity (on the record, at least), but does anyone honestly think McCain, if he could do it all over, would put Palin on the ticket again knowing what he knows now? Fuck no. He’d pick anybody else — anybody. Lieberman, Ridge, Jindal — shit, even that two-timing chica-chasing bastard Mark Sanford would have been better than Palin. He’d still lose to Obama, but at least he wouldn’t have to live with unleashing this mortifying geek show on the rest of the country.
Get gone, Sarah. And stay there.