After some serious soul searching, I have decided I can no longer hide the truth about who I am or where I come from. Reading this blog for the last few years, you may have gotten the impression that I am a native American citizen. Unfortunately, my friends, this is not so. Under pressure from a dogged team of truth-seekers, I am now forced to reveal my true origins.
Behold, my poor, deceived friends, my original birth certificate from (dum-dum-dum!) the Republic of Kenya:
Yeah, so I guess there go my presidential ambitions . . . or do they? Luckily, my parents had the foresight to submit birth announcements to the local newspaper in Hagerstown, and to commission a very realistic phony American birth certificate. So my long-planned 2016 campaign for the White House will still come off as planned, with my inevitable resounding defeat coming at the hands of the voters, not the dreaded Constitution.