You would not believe how hard it is to find a good George Washington joke these days. I bet back ‘round the 1790s you would have found tons of them, just pamphlet after pamphlet of incredibly biting jabs at the father of our country. Nowadays, no such luck.
This, I shit you not, is the best George Washington joke I could find. And I’ve rewritten it a bit to make it sound a little better. Here we go:
There was a boy who lived out in the country, in a simple home without indoor plumbing. His father had constructed an outhouse in the back yard for his family to use when nature called, but after all these years it was an absolutely foul structure and the boy had grown to despise it. One day it began to rain, an unrelenting downpour that rendered the bank behind the house so muddy and slippery that it was almost impossible to climb up or down without slipping. On his way back home in the rain, the boy was so frustrated by the time he reached the top of the hill that he threw his shoulder angrily against the outhouse, sending the little shack sliding down to the bottom of the hill, where it crashed into a smelly heap.
Not long after the boy’s father came staggering into the house. He demanded to know if it was his son who had pushed the outhouse down the hill.
“Yes,” the young man said, remembering the story of George Washington and the cherry tree his teacher had told him that very day.
“All right then,” said his father as he unbuckled his belt. “Come here and get your whipping.”
“What the hell?” the boy said, his mouth open in disbelief. “George Washington didn’t get in trouble when he chopped down the cherry tree!”
The boy’s father replied, “Yes, but George Washington’s father wasn’t in the cherry tree at the time.”