Flipping through the channels, what should I find but . . .

—Patch Adams. Christ, is that one of the worst movies ever made or what? Few actors have had a more wildly divergent career in terms of quality than Robin Williams. On one end you’ve got your Good Will Hunting, your One Hour Photo, hell even your What Dreams May Come, which I’ve always liked; on the other end, good Jesus fucking God . . . RV, Father’s Day, Being Human, and poor Patch Adams, to name only a very, very, very few. It’s a good thing he used to be so funny.

—TBN. It’s Praise-a-Thon, which is like pledge week on PBS if PBS didn’t produce a single watchable show. They’re showing a Benny Hinn crusade from somewhere in Africa where he’s leading a mass-conversion of like half a million people. Right, like all of those are gonna stick . . . Jesus Christ, Paul Crouch looks like shit. It’s been a while since I saw him on TV. The years have not been kind. I was about to say he looks more like an old woman than his wife, but he actually reminds me more of a gelatin mold that wasn’t left in the fridge quite long enough before they popped it out. A collapsing gelatin mold that looooooo-oooooves Jesus!

—Hey, know what’s another of the very worst films ever made? Van Helsing. It’s the Greg Gutfeld of movies.

—There’s Jerome Corsi on C-Span2! And, superior posture aside, not looking much better than Paul Crouch. He’s giving a talk about his book, America For Sale. I wonder how he’ll tie everything back to Barack Obama and his nefarious ally, the African despot Odinga. . . . Hey, he just said “New World Order!” Here we go. Where is he giving this talk from, exactly? An FAO Schwartz? Look, there’s an Elmo and a Cookie Monster clearly visible behind him.

—Animal Planet: The Van Helsing of cable channels.

—Capricorn One is showing in Turner Classic Movies. It’s not a bad movie. It’s too bad that it, like JFK many years later, was taken by clueless fuck-headed conspiracy theorists to be a documentary.

—Back to Corsi on BookTV. He’s going on about the Euro now. Is that a plush snake over his shoulder?