President Obama will give his first State of the Union address this evening. I’m betting he’ll say it’s strong — any takers? Every year when the introduction of the speech reaches that seemingly inevitable punchline, I wonder how apocalyptically godawful things would have to get before the president got up in front of Congress and said “Guys, honestly, the state of our union . . . it ain’t so hot.” Shit, in his fourth and final State of the Union address, Abraham Lincoln touts the strength of the Union — at least in the half of it that wasn’t engaged in an armed rebellion. Of course, back then things were different; the State of the Union wasn’t even called as such, and instead of a live address to both houses of Congress, it was delivered to Capitol Hill in the mail, like a Christmas letter.
Pundits and bloggers have been writing and yapping all day about what they expect to hear in the speech tonight, or what they wish they’d hear but don’t expect to. Dennis Miller has suggested Obama deliver the speech from Guantanamo Bay, demonstrating once again how utterly fucking out to lunch he is. The rest of the commentary leading up to tonight has been of a more lucid and sane character (and how could it be otherwise?), with most expecting Obama to hype his recent proposal to freeze some federal spending, and make some token attempt to kick-start the all-but-defeated effort to reform the American healthcare system.
Rather than add my own low, sexy hum to the drone, I’ve decided to express my thoughts on President Obama’s first State of the Union by composing a brief limerick poem. Please do enjoy.
Obama’s big speech is tonight,
When he’ll sum up our national plight,
And, as is the convention,
Try and turn our attention
To the one or two things he’s done right.
His goal was to fix health insurance,
A fight he took on with assurance
Of help from his allies
On the Hill — But surprise!
They had neither balls nor endurance.
These reforms which he thought he could manage
Instead robbed him of his advantage.
Though the country’s still strong,
The question’s how long
Can we last once we’ve outspent our coverage?
So tonight he must go ‘fore the nation
And again ply his skills of oration,
While Joe and Nancy behind
Serve once more to remind
Of the perils of assassination.
On the State of the Union he’ll speak
While Glenn Beck prepares his critique.
So, Barack, one appeal:
Use the word “empyreal”.
He’ll be trying to spell it all week.