It’s the day after election day, and I want to congratulate the Republican members of the House of Representatives. Great job, guys – it took the Democrats forty years to fuck up bad enough to lose their last majority, and you guys managed to do it in just twelve! I always knew you could do it. Sixteen incumbents lost their seats in the House (so far – a few races haven’t quite been called yet, so the number could grow). I for one am sorry to see each and every one of them go, but one stings more than the others. Here is my tribute to the defeated incumbent Congressman I’ll miss the most:
J.D. Hayworth, Representative of Arizona’s 5th District
Was there a bigger idiot with a bigger mouth in Congress in the last twelve years than J.D. Hayworth? I do not think so. It’s so rare to be able to size someone up perfectly just by looking at a photo of them, but there ya go. His clueless jock looks and empty bluster remind me of my old classmate B.J. Reiff, the one I described as having a head that looked like flesh stretched across a cinderblock in a previous article. Next to Hayworth, B.J. could have been a Rhodes Scholar.
Here’s how big an idiot J.D. Hayworth is: he frequently criticized Bill Clinton as unprincipled and labeled Clinton’s Presidency as “the most corrupt administration in U.S. history,” while simultaneously he funneled hundreds of thousands of dollars into his and his wife’s pockets from their political action committee, TEAM PAC. Hayworth also received $69,000 in contributions from Jack Abramoff between 1999 and 2005, and refused to give a penny of it back, even after Abramoff pled guilty to fraud, conspiracy, and tax evasion. He also got unlimited use of skyboxes belonging to Abramoff to host fundraisers.
Speaking of what a principled guy Hayworth is, he also wrote a book a few months ago entitled Whatever It Takes, about illegal immigration. He gets it right that the solution to the problem is to enforce immigration laws and better protect the border, but Hayworth then proceeds to completely undermine his position by quoting Henry Ford: “These men of many nations must be taught American ways, the English language, and the right way to live.” What’s so wrong with that? Afterall, doesn’t Henry Ford have a point – isn’t it better for everyone when immigrants assimilate into their new country? Sure enough, but the book Hayworth is quoting Ford from there is a happy little volume entitled The International Jew: The World’s Foremost Problem, published by Ford’s bitterly anti-Semitic newspaper The Dearborn Independent in 1920. J.D. Hayworth is not the first author to quote Ford from The International Jew to bolster his cause – Adolph Hitler cited the same volume in Mein Kampf.
Nice work, John David. Now, please do shut the fuck up and go the fuck home.