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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Limericks for the bitter cold 
Tuesday, December 14th, 2010 | 10:57 pm [humor, writing]
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Oh, Jesus is it cold outside. Here in Maryland it stuck around 15 degrees Fahrenheit most of the day. It’s even freezing in Florida, where the governor declared a state of emergency because of the threat the low temperatures poses to crops.
 
There’s only one thing to be done in weather like this. Well . . . two things, actually, but the wife and I both felt like shit today, so that was out. Most of the people reading this are alienated loners who will never know a lover’s tender touch, anyway.
 
No, I’m talking about writing cold temperature-themed limericks. Everybody loves limericks! Or I do, anyway. And it’s my goddamn blog. 
 
The wife of a fellow named Snitzky
Crawled into bed feeling quite frisky
     He was out like a light,
     So she kept warm that night
With some lube and a bottle of whiskey.
 
As temperatures outside were falling
Old Hendrickson felt nature calling
     But in the outhouse he froze
     From his nose to his toes
A condition he found rather galling.
 
An old Englishman name of Pember
Had a useless old rope for a member
     But his piss-filled old cock
     Became hard as a rock
When he peed off his porch in December. 
 
And one more! Whaddya say? 
 
A man lived with his wife and himself
On the edge of an Arctic ice shelf
     He said, “Throw on your cloak!
     “Come outside for a smoke!”
And she answered him, “Go fuck yourself.”
Comments 
Wednesday, December 15th, 2010 | 01:23 pm (UTC)
Anonymous
Dude, you should make Christmas cards with the first one.
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