Let me guess: You’ve belonged to a social out-group your whole life. You never had many close friends, you were either estranged or very, very close to your parents, you’re probably a virgin, you’ve never found satisfaction in the teachings of traditional religion, but you just knew there was some greater truth out there waiting to be discovered. Then you turned on the TV, or saw an ad in the newspaper, or met the most charming woman at a yard sale, and were started down the path to enlightenment. You learned about the group – they have chapters in cities all across the country, and their members are lawyers and doctors and college English professors! – and about the Great Exalted Prophet, who was born to man and woman just as you were, saw visions as a child and soon realized his true calling: to bring peace and illumination to men and women all over the world. Then one glorious day you met Him, and the experience changed your life; he shared with you his Divine Essence and you knew your life had one purpose from then on: to serve Him.
Flash forward a few years, you’ve got multiple spouses and a mess of kids, hair in places you’d never even considered, and a closet full of white cotton slacks/shirt combinations. What went wrong?
Maybe your cult started out as a nice idea. Maybe your Light-Touched Founder even had noble intentions that went beyond accumulating staggering wealth and getting laid whenever he wanted. Jonestown started out that way. Jim Jones had the “Rainbow Congregation,” a group of people of all races and all walks of life who lived together in peace and harmony. No one had any reason to question the group or Jones. Then one day Jim walked in and said, “Hey, why don’t we take all our money and give it to me? I’ll keep an eye on it so no one can steal it, and if we need to buy anything, I can take care of it!” And then a little while later, Jim walked in and said, “Hey, let’s all move to Guyana! Come on, you guys, it’ll be sweet!” A few years later, Jim walked in and said, “Hey, let’s all commit mass suicide!” And that was the end of Jonestown. It wasn’t founded as a death cult, but it ended up one.
What are the chances that out of all the people who have ever lived, prophets and philosophers and religious leaders included, your Man-God Top Dog is the one in all human history to have found the key to unlock the universe? Moses, Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Confucius, Zoroaster, they all missed it, but the skinny white guy with long oily hair and a taste for eleven year-olds has got it all figured out? I know, I know – once upon a time, Jesus and Mohammad were just local lunatics, too, but history has vindicated them and their teachings. Let me explain it this way: Followers of Jesus and Mohammad built cultures and civilizations of great accomplishment that have endured for centuries, and I still think some of them are a little nuts.
You follow this guy:
And he apparently considers that a good picture, because it’s all over his website. Your Lord Master Deity is either a scheming conman or a deeply deluded fruitcake. Either way, I suggest you tell him to fuck off and rejoin the rest of us out here in Jesusland. It ain’t the best place, but it beats the shit outta Waco.
Yours in Christ,