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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
The Christmas Letter 
Sunday, December 17th, 2006 | 02:01 pm [holidays, humor]
Steve

Dear Friends and Relatives Near and Far,

 

The year since our last letter reached you has certainly been an eventful time for the Henderson Family!  We continue to go our own separate ways, while struggling to come together as often as possible.  Our little clan is growing and spreading out all across this Great Land of Ours; pretty soon, they’ll have to rename this country the United States of the Hendersons!  Ha ha ha, just kidding!!!  The photo below was taken during our post-Thanksgiving pre-Christmas ski trip to Aspen, one of only three times we’ve all been together this year!

 

From there we drove up to Grand Forks, ND, to see the Manheim Steamroller show.  It was awesome, truly what Christmas is all about.  Rick actually cried after one of the songs!  I’m not sure which one, they all sound the same.  But that’s what makes them so great!!!  It was only me, Rick and Judy at the Steamroller show, since Shawn and Lilly had to go back to their homes in California and South Carolina, respectively.  Still, the three of us had a great time all the same!

 

Our oldest daughter Judy is still seeing that lovely young man Gerald we first told you about in our 2004 letter.  Gerald shipped out to Karbala last February, so Judy has been forced to rely mainly on email and the occasional phone call to keep in touch.  But just yesterday we got good news – Gerald’s Humvee was hit by a shoulder-mounted rocket and he lost his right arm and leg.  You know what that means . . . Gerald is coming home!!!  Judy is just so excited, as you can well imagine.  If the doctors at the hospital in Germany can stop the bleeding in time, Gerald might even be able to join us for Christmas dinner!

 

Shawn, our son, is still looking for Ms. Right.  Thankfully he has a great friend in a lovely young man named Christian whom he met at a dance club in Miami.  They spend almost all their free time together.  It’s so great that Shawn has found someone who he gets along with so well.  Rick and I call them the Happy Couple, but we are only joking!!!!!

 

Lilly, our youngest, became pregnant out of wedlock this past August.  The father was either a young man named Gregory who Lilly took home from the bar one evening, or Mr. Ballecki, Lilly’s Biology professor.  It doesn’t matter now, though, since Lilly used most of the money in her meager savings to pay for an abortion.  Since Lilly confessed her sin and repented in front of our entire congregation at church, we have all forgiven her, so it’s just water under the bridge!  A new son-in-law and grandchild would have been great Christmas gifts, though!

 

Rick, our big Papa Bear, is almost fully recovered from his bout with rectal cancer, which I described to you in detail in last year’s letter.  He had his most recent colonoscopy just last week, and the doctor told him he is all clear(!!) and that the bloody diarrhea should disappear by itself in another few months.  Rick will be wearing adult diapers for our Christmas party this year, so if any of you can make it up please ask Rick, “How are you feeling?” so he can shrug and say, “I don’t know.  Depends!!!!”  We all think that’s the funniest joke ever!!!!!!

 

I’m doing just fine for myself.  Not having the kids in the house has given me a lot of free time lately.  I’ve been going to Curves and have lost 11 pounds so far!  Not too shabby!!!  Rehoboth Beach, here I come!!!!!!!

 

Well, that’s about it for the Henderson Family Letter this year.  We hope it finds you all well and filled with the blessings of the holiday.  May the spirit of the season fill your heart and the warm blood of Christ pour down upon you.

 

                                                            MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!

 

                                                            The Henderson Family
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