Honestly, what’s funnier than a dead baby? If you ask me, it doesn’t get much better than that. If you want proof, just look at how many dead baby jokes there are. If dead babies weren’t hilarious, people couldn’t very well tell so many hilarious jokes on the subject, could they? The hardworking folks at Dead Baby Joke agree with me, and have compiled a collection of infant death humor sure to put a smile on the face of even the most despondent SIDS parent. I won’t spoil it by posting them all right now, but here are a few of my favorites:
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.
How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through its head.
How many babies does it take to paint a room?
One, if you throw it hard enough.
And my personal favorite of these:
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead!
Lest you think I’m morbidly preoccupied with dead babies, I have something else for you today. The U.S. Presidential election is a mere two years away, and it’s time that we here in the States start to think about whom we’re going to vote for. A sacred right, voting. Men have died to protect it. Generations of women and minorities have suffered to guarantee it for themselves and their posterity. The rich and powerful have spent billions of dollars to sway it. One of these days, I might get around to actually doing it. I think I finally may have found my candidate. I don’t agree with him, but I respect him, and that’s more than I can say for anyone else who’s ever run for President in my lifetime. It is my hope that by endorsing him now, at this early stage, I will win his favor and convince him to spare my life in the wake of his inevitable triumph. Ladies and gentlemen, the next President of the United States: General Zod.