Saddam Execution Makes It All Better
BAGHDAD – Deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein was executed by hanging yesterday for the killing of 143 Shi’as in 1982. Saddam’s execution was carried out at approximately 6:00 a.m. local time at Iraqi military base Camp Justice, northeast of Baghdad. Immediately following the death of Saddam, the various violent conflicts and social crises that have long plagued Iraq spontaneously resolved themselves.
The sectarian violence which has devastated Iraq since the start of the U.S.-led invasion in 2003 instantly ceased following the death of Saddam. Insurgents have announced the end of suicide bombings and all other activities. U.S. President George W. Bush is currently conferring with commanders on the ground in Iraq and is expected to announce a full withdrawal of coalition forces in the next few days. “With the execution of Saddam Hussein and the return of peace, justice and democracy to Iraq, our job is now done,” Bush stated in a press release published earlier today.
The positive effects of Saddam’s execution at the hands of Iraqi authorities were not limited to a cessation of violence within the country. There are widespread reports of Saddam’s victims returning to life. “I have just seen my father, three brothers and 22 cousins, all of whom were murdered by Saddam in Dujail in 1982, crawl out of their graves,” said Jawad Abdul-Aziz, whose Shi’a family was decimated during Saddam’s brutal reign. “Now that his execution has brought them all back to life, we can finally let the healing begin.”
Not only victims of Saddam, but those killed in the Iraqi wars have been resurrected by the former dictator’s hanging as well. The nearly 3,000 U.S. troops killed in the current conflict have all been returned to life, as have all those killed in 1991 during Operation Desert Storm. The thousands of veterans who were seriously injured during the conflicts are reporting that those injuries have healed, including the repair of brain injuries and spontaneous regeneration of severed limbs. The estimated 40,000 Iraqi civilians killed by Iraqi and coalition bombing have come back as well.
“Before the execution of Saddam was carried out, we were really in a fix,” said newly sworn-in U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert Gates. “We were losing a hundred men a month, we had no exit strategy, no idea how the hell we were going to get our troops home and have anything in Iraq to show for all the damage we caused and all the men and women we lost. Thank God the hanging of the former President of Iraq fixed all that for us. Should be nothing but smooth sailing from here on out.”