During our break in the middle of screenplay class this past Tuesday, Tyler asks me if I have a brother. Turns out he knows Danny, my younger brother, who has a few friends who work at the movie theater where Tyler is a manager. He told me he spent an evening at Buffalo Wild Wings with some friends where Danny had everyone cracking up all night long. This did not surprise me. Danny is like Willie Mays’s catch in the 1954 World Series – everybody’s either seen him in person or knows someone who’s seen him in person. I could pick a shack at random in the boonies beyond Hancock, ask the hayseed who lives there who his favorite drinking buddies are, go to one of the buddy’s house and repeat the process and be back to Danny in less than six moves. He’s the Kevin Bacon of fucking Washington County.
Danny may not see where this is going, but I do. Everybody knows my brother. Almost everybody likes him. He’s drank more beer with more people than any other 22 year-old I know and he’s only got one DUI to show for it. Eventually the old men and women who run our quiet little hometown of Clear Spring are going to die. Most of them are only hanging on by prednisone and bile, anyway. When the guys and gals of the elderly ruling class are rocking on that big front porch in the sky, Danny and his hung-over, bleary-eyed buddies will sweep unchallenged into power.
And what a bold new age for Clear Spring it will be. Liquor licenses to all who want them! Free beer for all town residents (paid for by the liquor licensing fees)! No town first lady, no – a first harem perhaps, as all the vodka-happy jailbait who followed Danny and his pals around in their halcyon youth, now depleted and middle aged, hang around the pool table in the basement of the town hall dressed in faded, stretched-out spandex, hair teased to the ceiling, occasionally venturing upstairs to interrupt town council meetings to ask for more ice.
By the time any of this happens Clear Spring will be surrounded on all sides by gargantuan housing developments populated by semi-wealthy commuters to Baltimore and D.C., so how much of his visionary “keg in every garage” program Danny will actually be able to realize is anybody’s guess. But it is a beautiful dream.