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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Giant catfish will devour us all 
Friday, June 8th, 2007 | 02:03 pm [humor, random]
Steve
Ashley showed me this photo gallery of freakishly large animals the other day at the library. The original is on the Newsweek sub-site at MSNBC.com, but I couldn’t resist posting some of them here and adding a few smartass remarks of my own.














This rabbit is of the Giant Gray breed, and weighs about 23 pounds. The guy holding him owns a farm in Germany where he raises many such gargantuan rabbits, some of which he sells to North Korea for meat. Of note: the rabbit does not look happy. Selling rare giant rabbits to Koreans to be eaten . . . What the fuck, Germany?
 













Yep, that’s a giant cockroach all right. The species can grow several inches  larger than this one, and live up to seven years. Holding the giant roach, named Cocky, is its owner, an emotionally disturbed 11-year-old Australian boy.
 











The look on this cat’s face kills me. Doesn’t she look like she’s just pushed herself away from the table after an immensely filling meal and slipped into a blissful delirium? She’s owned by a man who lives in China, which begs the question: How did a dude living in China find enough food for his cat to get this goddamn fat? Hopefully all those urban legends about where the meat in Chinese restaurants really comes from aren’t true, or this fat tabby is fucked.
 









Here’s a dead 1,100-pound pig and the clueless little prick who killed him. I first saw this a week and a half ago on Bent Corner, and it pissed me off then, too. It ain’t like the woods of Alabama are crawling with half-ton wild pigs in the first place, and this destructive little cocksucker’s (Jamison Stone by name) instinctive reaction to finding one is to chase after it pumping round after round into it until it finally drops dead. Why? So his no-doubt-pleased-as-punch redneck hillbilly father could snap this photo. Germany, I take it back; fuck you, Alabama.
 













The dog is a harlequin Great Dane named Gibson. He’s a full seven feet tall when he stands all the way up on his hind legs. And as you can see from the photo, he is an excellent dancer. Gibson also recently competed against Air Bud in a much publicized game of one-on-one, and waxed the fucking court with him.
 












Jimmy’s gonna love this one. My best friend and fishing buddy claims that there are catfish this size living under Dam #5 in the Potomac River, right near here. I’ve never seen any, nor spoken to anyone who has, but Jimmy says they’re there and they’re man-eaters. The one in this photo was caught in Spain. ¡Mierda santa! ¡Un siluro gigantesco!

Eh?
 




As a pro wrestling fan, it’s impossible for me to look at this picture of a 19-foot python from the Bronx Zoo without being reminded of Damien, the giant python Jake “The Snake” Roberts brought with him to the ring for many years, before finally selling him off for a vial of crack in the early 1990s. What really kills me about this photo is the people: the first two dudes look at the snake with amazement and admiration, like it’s the first time they’ve ever seen the fuckin’ thing; the dude in shorts with the ponytail is checking himself out while he flexes his bicep; the dude right behind him is cheesing like it’s a yearbook photo; the old bald guy behind him looks like he just shit his intestines picking the thing up; the last dude, in the blue sweater, looks like a visitor to the zoo who just happened by and saw an irresistible opportunity to horn-on on someone else’s photo; and the chick in the middle is ready to bust out an air guitar solo on this gigantic fucking snake.
 
Again, I didn’t take or find any of these pictures — they’re from this gallery at the Newsweek website. Go check it out, ‘cause there’s a few there that I didn’t post here. Like the giant mouse — the size of an entire human hand! Sounds exciting, huh?
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