This week’s issue of Entertainment Weekly has an article about the smashingly innovative, revolutionary, damn-near-fucking-unbelievable new costume the creative geniuses behind The Dark Knight have designed for Batman’s next thrilling big-screen adventure. The useless website Batman-on-Film.com posted a story on the new suit as though it were the story of the year, which I suppose for some folks it is. Anyway, here’s what this extraordinary new Batman costume looks like:
Ta-da! Wow, that looks nothing like any Batman costume I’ve ever seen! Clunky molded rubber! Innovative. I daresay innovatory. Now can we get someone to help Mr. Bale down off the roof of the car, please?
In the EW article, costume designer Lindy Hemming says the suit is made of over 200 pieces of rubber, fiberglass, and nylon and metallic mesh. And what’s with the busy, bumpy, over-designed texture? “I thought it would make it more interesting to look at and wonder about,” Hemming says. So I guess we’re just gonna forget about the whole sleek, mysterious, weird-figure-of-the-night thing then, eh? Just a moment, please, I’d like to show you something.
Simply designed, relatively lightweight costumes which are recognizable when compared with the comic book source material, and which allow the actors wearing them to move. Why must Batman be any different? What’s the point of sending Christian Bale to the gym at all if the only Bat-physique we’re going to see is that molded, glued-together monstrosity, and if the only fight scenes we’re to get are the confusing, obscured, hyper-edited jumbles we saw in Batman Begins? What — realism? He can barely walk in the fucking suit. Give me a break. Lose the magic hang-glider cape and the roof-driving Batmobile before you try to hit me with that realism bullshit.