One of the perks of being with Ashley (aside from having the hottest girlfriend in the world) is that she occasionally allows me first dibs on a new, not-yet-released book that the library’s gotten hold of. For instance, Stephen Colbert’s book, I Am America (And So Can You!), on library and bookstore shelves this Tuesday, which I got a sneak peak at yesterday. I didn’t get through the whole thing, but I managed to sit there for about two hours and read through chapter 4. Pretty funny shit. I also skipped ahead to the end – I mean, how could I resist, right? So if you don’t want to know what happens, don’t read any further.
Stephen defeats Voldemort and marries Ginny Weasley, and they name their kids after Snape and Dumbledore.
Oh, and it turns out Snape killed Dumbledore because Dumbledore made him promise to, and Dumbledore comes back as a painting in his old office. Total rip-off of Obi-Wan Kenobi.