People who interrupt Bill Maher tapings yelling about the controlled demolition of Building 7 are easy to spot, but what about people who are still predominantly sane, reasonable folks, but find themselves drawn to the ideas of groups like the 9/11 Truth Movement, or, God forbid, Dan Brown? There must be some way to check yourself from time to time before you go charging off the deep end. As it turns out, there is, for I have created . . .
The Conspiracy Theorist Self-Test
Answer the following questions with a Yes or a No.
1. Do you regard The Protocols of the Elders of Zion as a reliable historical document, yet mistrust The 9/11 Commission Report?
2. Do you regularly purchase aluminum foil, despite never having leftovers?
3. Do you find barcodes reminiscent of the mark of the beast?
4. Do you consider the flatness/roundness of the Earth to be an unsettled issue?
5. Do you consider Capricorn One to be a documentary?
6. Do you consider Loose Change to be a documentary?
7. Have you ever referred to David Icke for any reason other than to ridicule him?
8. Do you think Buzz Aldrin was out of line for punching Bart Sibrel in the face?
9. Is your answer to the question “Who shot JFK?” more than three words long?
10. Can you list several eerie coincidences between the Lincoln and Kennedy assassinations?
11. If so, do you actually give a shit about any of these coincidences?
12. Do you think John Lennon was murdered by the guy who wrote The Shining?
13. Do you regularly rely on The American Free Press or WorldNetDaily as a source of news?
14. Have you ever speculated that the gated and heavily wooded mountain road near your house is actually the entrance to one of the secret internment camps constructed by the government to house the enslaved population in the Last Days?
15. Has anything Alex Jones has ever said made the slightest bit of sense to you?
16. Are you a member of the Constitution Party?
17. Do you listen to the Beatles played backwards more often than forwards?
18. Did you ever praise The X-Files for its realism?
19. Do you consider that trick where you fold a $20 bill to look like burning skyscrapers to be evidence of anything?
20. Are you planning on leaving a comment about what a clueless dupe I am at the conclusion of this article?
If you answered Yes to any of the above questions, it is time for a course correction, my friend — otherwise it’s next stop: Nutburg. Population: You.
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