Ashley started her Christmas shopping today at the mall. I’m not much of a shopper, so I spent an hour or so in my truck, listening to NPR and jotting down notes for a play I might write which will never, ever be performed, ever (I’m guessing). When I went back inside at the agreed-upon time, I realized how brilliant my girlfriend truly is. Check out this shit, this girl is a genius.
After shopping in vain for her sister and parents for a few minutes, she gave up and decided to shop for herself. Sound selfish? Not so. She bought nearly $100 worth of clothes and shoes, but left the mall today having not spent a dime. How’d she do it, you ask? She used a $300 mall gift card which her parents got her for Christmas last year.
Immediately I recognized what a brilliant scheme this is. The girl still has two-hundred bucks to spend on her family — of their money! Do you see what a diabolical masterpiece this scheme is? All you have to do is ask for gift cards for Christmas, hold onto them until the following Christmas, then you can shop for your friends and family without going into your own pocket for a cent! What a racket!