Teen Wolf now considered American Movie Classic
Teen Wolf, the 1985 comedy directed by Rod Daniel and starring Michael J. Fox as a high school basketball player who finds success and popularity when he transforms into a werewolf, is now considered an American Movie Classic. The film, a modest box office success during its original release, is widely regarded by critics and film scholars as unremarkable. Despite this, it was discovered today that cable channel AMC has been airing Teen Wolf regularly for the past several years.
From its debut in October, 1984 (less than a year before the theatrical premiere of Teen Wolf), American Movie Classics was a popular channel among lovers of cinema in the United States. Originally a premium channel, AMC moved to basic cable in the 1990s and cultivated a loyal following with its frequent commercial-free airing of films from the 1940s and ‘50s, as well as silent films by legendary comedians Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. Also popular were its themed marathons, featuring movies starring popular actors such as the Marx Brothers, and its annual Halloween MonsterFest, a week-long slate of horror films.
Since 2003, viewers have noted dramatic alterations in the format of the channel. Films aired are now interrupted by frequent commercials. As a result of increased sponsorship, the films are heavily edited for language and other objectionable content; often, the cut of a film aired on AMC is the network television version rather than the original theatrical cut.
Additionally, the standards governing which movies are shown by AMC appear to have been significantly slackened. Whereas typical movies shown on the channel in the 1990s were All About Eve and the 1925 silent classic The Phantom of the Opera, more recently featured films include The Chamber, a mediocre 1995 courtroom drama adapted from a John Grisham novel, and the notorious, critically panned box office bomb Waterworld.
Other films recently declared classics by AMC are the Steven Seagal vehicle Above the Law, Angelina Jolie’s video game adaptation Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, and Star Trek III: The Search for Spock.
Hillary to Oprah: “Suck my dick!”
Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has responded to news that Oprah Winfrey intends to campaign for rival candidate Barack Obama in Iowa. Reached for comment following an appearance at a town meeting in New Hampshire, the senator from New York invited Winfrey to “suck my dick!”
Winfrey, a television host and messianic figure to millions of Americans, endorsed Obama’s candidacy several months ago, and announced yesterday her intention to make a series of appearances in support of the Illinois senator in advance of the hotly contested Iowa caucus, which will be held on January 3.
“That bitch can suck my dick!” Senator Clinton told a reporter following the New Hampshire event. “Ain’t like it makes no difference anyhow,” she continued. “She a bitch and all the single-moms in her audience is bitches, too! Anybody ever got elected president for winnin’ the bitch vote? Nah, son!”
Most polls show Clinton and Obama in a statistical dead heat in Iowa. To counter Oprah’s appearance in support of Obama, Senator Clinton has announced that her husband, former president Bill Clinton, will be campaigning for her in Iowa starting this afternoon. When asked to describe her husband’s role in her campaign, Clinton replied simply, “My nigga.”
“What the fuck is the deal with these Head-On commercials?” asks nation
People all across the United States remain baffled by TV ads promoting over-the-counter headache treatment Head-On. “Is this supposed to make me want to buy it?” asked Nancy Shives of Halfway, Maryland, after viewing the latest Head-On commercial. Shives is one of the millions of Americans mystified by the strange and pointless ad campaign.
The series of odd, vaguely disturbing advertisements began last year with a brief television spot featuring a close-up of the product being applied to a woman’s forehead, with a voiceover robotically repeating the slogan “Head-On! Apply directly the forehead!” This was followed by an even stranger series of spots featuring people appearing to angrily mock the original ad, then offering stilted testimony to the effectiveness of the product. Most recently, another short ad has featured a large, intimidating white-haired man in a doctor’s coat repeatedly promising a money-back guarantee, with the sound of his voice just slightly out of sync with the movement of his lips.
“I don’t get it,” said Tom Milich of Reno, Nevada, after watching the most recent ad during a commercial break on MSNBC. “Doesn’t anyone watch these before they put them on TV?”