Jasmine, Blessed Devourer, endorses Clinton in ’08 presidential race
LOS ANGELES - Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign, in the midst of a tough battle with Illinois Senator Barack Obama for the Democratic party nomination, picked up a crucial endorsement this morning when Jasmine, the Blessed Devourer, announced her support for the New York senator’s White House bid.
The endorsement was welcomed by the Clinton camp, who have seen their candidate’s once seemingly unstoppable momentum slowed to a crawl by that of rival Obama, who has received high profile endorsements from Senators John Kerry and Patrick Leahy, and talk show host Oprah Winfrey. Clinton campaign staffers, speaking on the condition of anonymity, expressed hope that the support of Jasmine, whose current corporeal form is that of an African American woman, would help to counteract the coveted cultural prominence lent to the Obama campaign by the Winfrey endorsement.
Jasmine, a supremely powerful deity forged in the fires of creation whose plan to enslave all of humanity to her will was narrowly thwarted in 2003, explained in a press release that Senator Clinton’s goals as President of the United States would coincide with her own. “We both want the same things,” said the written endorsement released to the media this morning by Jasmine, who would not reveal her true name in fear that hearing it spoken aloud would again deplete her godlike powers and break the psychic thrall she casts on all who see and hear her, “to make the world a safer and more peaceful place, to renew and preserve our natural environment, to rob every sentient being on Earth of its free will — the world envisioned by Hillary Clinton and the paradise I once hoped to bring about through my divine example are one and the same!”
Senator Clinton, speaking with reporters outside a rally in Hollywood, welcomed Jasmine’s support, saying she looked forward to campaigning together in the near future, once she (Clinton) returns from her scheduled weekend holiday in the Quor’Toth hell dimension on January 21.