Romney: “Go fuck yourselves”
BOSTON — Speaking to a sparse gathering of supporters late last night, former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney expressed disappointment at his poor showing in yesterday’s Super Tuesday primaries. “You know, I’ve really had it with this,” an exasperated Romney told the crowd of approximately 75 people who remained at his campaign headquarters following the closing of polls in California at 11 P.M. ET. “To all those across the nation, participating in primary elections and caucuses in 24 states in all regions of this great land, I say this: go fuck yourselves.”
“All the speeches I’ve been giving, all the money I’ve spent on this, and you people vote for John McCain or Mike Huckabee?” Romney continued, adding, “Mike Huckabee.”
Despite being touted as a possible front-runner as recently as a month ago, Romney’s campaign faltered yesterday, finishing behind Arizona senator John McCain or former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee in nearly every contest, coming in a distant third-place in several states.
Those gathered in support of Romney in his home state of Massachusetts, one of the few Super Tuesday contests won by Romney, were not spared the candidate’s ire. “Oh, are you enjoying the food?” Romney asked, interrupting himself in mid-sentence upon noticing two campaign volunteers carrying plates of batter-fried shrimp from a catered snack bar. “Do you have any idea how much all this shit is costing me? And for what? That’s the sad part. For what?”
William Shatner comments on presidential race, endorses self
LOS ANGELES — Emmy-winner, Star Trek’s original Captain Kirk, William Shatner weighed in on the ongoing race for the White House, wishing all candidates in both parties luck, and going on record to endorse himself.
“Let me make this clear,” Shatner told reporters attending a press conference called by the actor in his living room this morning, “I am not a candidate for president. I am not running for anything. I only want to make it clear to all the voters, that if they are not happy with any of the current candidates, I will happily accept their votes, and if elected I will serve in the office to the best of my ability.”
Speculation as to the composition of a Shatner administration has been varied. Some insist the science fiction icon would turn to fellow Star Trek cast members to serve in prominent cabinet positions, perhaps even tapping Leonard Nimoy, known to attendees of fan conventions worldwide as Enterprise Science Officer Mr. Spock, as vice president. Others cite Shatner’s well-known unpopularity with his former Trek castmates as an indication he would turn to a more recent colleague, such as his Boston Legal co-star James Spader, or friend and recent musical collaborator Ben Folds.
The 76 year-old former star of T.J. Hooker promised, if elected, to spend the eleven weeks between Election Day and Inauguration Day campaigning for an amendment to the U.S. Constitution that would allow him, a natural-born Canadian, to assume the presidency.