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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Mail Call riffs on itself 
Thursday, September 7th, 2006 | 04:09 pm [commentary, hagerstown, humor, mail call]

Just imagine my delight in reading this letter in Monday’s edition of the Herald Mail:

To the editor:

The "You Said It" section of this newspaper has no informational value or educational value and it never was intended to have any value.

It does allow people the opportunity to butcher the English language beyond hope and to display a lack of the thought process that allows one to put together a coherent thought or sentence and pass it on to another person in conversation or in print.

Does this newspaper and the powers that run it really want to be known as the paper that uses valuable print space to write about the person who feels they should not be charged for cheese that they do not want on their hamburger?

This is one example of what this paper deems worthy of space. Everyday there is an endless supply of these meaningless phone messages to this paper. If you have something to say that has substance and benefit send it to the editorial editor, and back it up with your name.

It would be nice if the extra space in the paper would be used to enlarge the opinion/editorial section, print more national news or give us more information and news in the business section.

One can only hope that someday we will see this paper take a giant step forward for its readers.

Fred McInturff
Berkeley Springs
, W.Va.


Fred McInturff of Berkeley Springs, you win the grand prize.  Since I am a destitute college student, the grand prize in this case is whatever is left of that 12 pack of ginger ale I bought last week.  Which is . . . let’s see – one can.  So, one can of ginger ale is yours, Fred, just call me to collect your prize, since I assume you have my number.

I agree with everything Fred says up there, but I think it is far more interesting that the paper chose to print his letter at all.  Turn the page and there was the very feature he was bitching about.  The Herald-Mail, everyone --  the paper by self-loathers, for self-loathers.  And they say Baltimore has an inferiority complex . . .


While I’m on the subject, here are a few of the more interesting entries in Mail Call the last few days:

"'Mission accomplished' - lies, lies, lies."

- Hagerstown

Are you talking about the ESA’s SMART probe that crashed into the Moon Sunday?  Because that’s not a lie – the mission really was accomplished.  I know it seems counterintuitive for a space agency to deliberately smash their $120 million satellite into the lunar surface, but that was the plan all along.  Now they hope to subject the lunar soil kicked up by the impact to spectroscopic analysis.

"Humans have been killing each other in the name of God for millennia (that's thousands of years). Terrorism is not the fault of Bush (both of them), Clinton, Reagan, or Carter. Congress has the constitutional right to pass laws the president can either sign or veto. Most humans do not want their children to live in a world full of pain and suffering. Other than Native Americans, we're all 'immigrants.' But then, how many generations must pass before you're considered a native? Our government is based on a representative republic democratic model, therefore, vote! The U.S. Constitution has not been amended to allow non-citizens the right to vote. Stop being a victim and take responsibility for your own actions."

-          Boonsboro

If you can tell me what the fuck this guy is talking about, I owe you a Coke.  Let me try and follow the logic here:  People have been killing each other since time immemorial (that’s longer than anyone can remember), therefore terrorism isn’t the fault of the President of the United States.  It’s actually the fault of Congress, since they make the laws.  Most human don’t want their kids growing up in a world of suffering, therefore – FUCK!  I don’t get it, okay?  I don’t understand what anything this dumb son of a bitch says has to do with anything else he says, and the only rational reason for it to see print is because the fucking intern at the paper in charge of putting together the feature was so high that these incoherent blitherings seemed either hilarious or real fucking deep.

“I'd like to know why, in this sick society of ours, that people find it so funny when a person has a hearing problem. Would you also laugh at somebody that had a leg cut off?"

You’re right, of course.  Having a hearing problem is bad enough, it doesn’t need to be made worse by seeing people laugh at you.  It demonstrates a real lack of class on the part of the people doing the laughing, no to mention a shortage of fucking brains.  Idiots:  mock the hearing-impaired from behind.  They can’t hear you, and if they can’t see you, either, they will never know.

And one more:

"Much like the bumper stickers of the 60s and 70s that said 'America - love it or leave it', I saw one the other day that I found very interesting and extremely profound, yet truthful. It said 'English - speak the language or get out."

-          Halfway

I agree with your interesting and profound yet truthful statement, let’s not even give those greasy, avaricious immigrants the chance to assimilate!  If they don’t arrive here able to perfectly speak, write, and comprehend English, shove ‘em in the back of a pick-up and run ‘em back across the river!  Judging by the number of people I see taking English 099 at HCC, we could probably use your philosophy to justify sending a good many white folk down there, too.  Somebody’s gotta manage those Mexican Wal-Marts.

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