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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
The graffiti in Room 104 
Saturday, July 8th, 2006 | 01:38 pm [college, humor]

In the classroom where I go for History of Civilization every Monday through Thursday evening, there’s this baby shit-green bulletin board that has seen better days.  I sit right next to it, and this past Thursday I took note of some of the more interesting graffiti that students (hell, professors for all I know) have scrawled on it over the years.  For instance:


  • “Terry + Jon,” enclosed in a little heart.  You can just imagine this one, can’t you?  Looks sweet, I know.  But wait – is Terry a dude?  Not that it matters, but is it Terry like Theresa, or Terry like Terrence?  This is why we need standardized name spellings.  Dudes can have “Terry,” with that manly “y,” and girls can have “Terri” and “Teri” with that flirty little “i.”  Hulk Hogan has to use “Teri,” as well, because fuck him.
  • Someone wrote Dave Thrillkill Has a Little Dick, which someone else then changed to Dave Thrillkill Has a Little Duck.  I’ll get to people who edit other people’s graffiti in a second.  For now, let’s discuss the obvious:  How the fuck do you get a name like “Thrillkill?”  It’d be an odd name to give yourself, since it sounds more like an object than a subject.  It’s not Thrillkiller – it’s thrillkill, which would be what a thrillkiller kills.  Sort of like calling yourself “Deadmeat.”  Chin up, Dave, you fatalistic fuck.
  • There were a lot of other ones that were just uncreative, like World History Sucks, or You Suk My Nuts, or Nancy.  For God’s sake, if you’re going to take the time to deface school property, at least put some thought into it.  Otherwise it’s just mindless vandalism.  I worked at a truck stop for five years and every time I went in to clean the men’s room and wrote something on wall of the handicap stall, I made damn sure that shit was funny.
  • Fuck HCC had obviously been altered to read Buck HCC.  “HCC” standing for “Hagerstown Community College,” in this instance.  This is disappointing for a few reasons.  Firstly, it would have been so easy to make it say “Back to HCC,” which not only makes sense, but renders the original totally innocuous.  Who knows what the fuck “Buck HCC” means?  Are we students rodeo bulls and HCC a cowboy in this metaphor?  What’s the rodeo – our educations?  Bucking HCC doesn’t seem too smart then, does it?  Here’s another thing:  how much of a fucking goody-two-shoes do you have to be to get out a marker and re-write someone else’s graffiti?  “Oh, what a shame that someone’s scrawled ‘cock’ on this wall.  I’ll just put an ‘S’ before it and turn that nasty little ‘c’ into a ‘p’ and . . . I’ll write ‘I grok’ in front of it . . . there!  A perfectly innocent Star Trek reference that everyone can enjoy!”  Most of these do-gooders wouldn’t recognize wit if it pushed them down a flight of stairs and sodomized them on the floor at the bottom, but then again, neither would the numbskulls who wrote the graffiti in the first place.  I, on the contrary, as you can plainly see, would.

For the record, my favorite piece of graffiti I ever scribbled on the men’s room wall was “Teddy Roosevelt was a knickerbocker-wearing fruit.”  I have no idea where it came from.

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