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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
News of the Day 
Saturday, November 22nd, 2008 | 11:06 pm [humor]
Wife of Dennis Miller feigns amusement

SANTA BARBARA, CA — The wife of comedian and radio talk show host Dennis Miller pretended to be amused by an arcane reference made by her husband during a family dinner at their home last night.

Miller made the reference, which he intended to be humorous, approximately fifteen minutes into the meal, which was also attended by the couple’s two sons Holden and Marlon. Miller’s wife, former model Carolyn Epsley, excused herself from the table to use the bathroom. When she returned Miller smirked and said, “What, did you have some trouble disengaging the revolver from the back of the toilet tank?” The question was an allusion to a scene in the film The Godfather, when the character of Michael Corleone (Al Pacino) utilized a pistol that had been hidden behind a toilet to murder a corrupt police captain (Sterling Hayden) and a rival gangster (Al Lettieri) who had attempted to assassinate Michael’s father (Marlon Brando).

Though the remark failed to genuinely amuse her, Carolyn lightly chuckled and nodded her head at Miller, indicating she had understood the reference.

The Godfather reference was followed by Miller likening his eagerness to wash the dishes to renowned oil field firefighter Red Adair. Before retiring for the evening, Miller also made unamusing allusions to the early Marlon Brando vehicle The Wild One and Julius Caesar’s crossing of the Rubicon in 49 B.C.E., and referred to the current President of Iran as “Aqua-Velva-jad.”

Writer I.P. Freely takes own life

NEW HAVEN, CT — I.P. Freely, who became a household name in the United States following the publication of his novel The Yellow River, was found dead from a self-inflicted gunshot wound yesterday in his home on Prospect Street, not far from the campus of Albertus Magnus College, where he had been a professor of English since 1977.

Colleagues of Freely, both at Albertus Magnus and in the publishing industry where he had been a fixture since the early 1960s, were saddened, but few were shocked. “He had been depressed,” said Janet Lundst, who joined the English department of the college in 1991 and had worked closely with Freely.

Greg Barstead, Freely’s agent, reported that Freely’s persistent depression dated back to the original publication of his seminal work, an emotionally devastating account of a Chinese family during the 1931 flood of the Hwang Ho. Though the book was critically acclaimed and earned Freely a Pulitzer Prize nomination, as well as the National Book Award’s Medal for Distinguished Contribution to American Letters in 1999, Freely was disappointed at how the book was received by the public, who he felt never took his work seriously.

Freely’s depression came to a head following a recent reading of The Yellow River at a New Haven Barnes & Noble which, according to Barstead, “did not go well.”

Neighbors grew concerned when they had not seen Freely leave his home in several days. Police were called, and entered the residence, discovering Freely dead from a self-inflicted shotgun blast to the forehead. The medical examiner assigned to the case estimated Freely had been dead for two days when he was found. A suicide note was discovered taped to the mirror of his bathroom. It read simply “It’s not funny. It was never funny.”

Freely leaves behind a wife, four children, and six grandchildren.
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