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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Of note: thanks to the forthcoming Star Trek reboot, Klingons are no longer our allies 
Wednesday, February 4th, 2009 | 04:19 pm [commentary, news, star trek]

It’s a crazy, fucked-up, wacky world in which we live. The old rules no longer apply. As the really old guy observed to Robert Vaughn in that scene from Superman III, in the old days if you wanted to rob somebody, you got a gun and said “Stick ’em up!” No more. These days, crooks have far more creative ways of eliciting utterly perplexed shakes of our heads.

For instance, this story from Colorado Springs, which I am stealing from
TheDenverChannel.com after first seeing it on Phil Plait’s Bad Astronomy blog:


Colorado Springs police are looking for a man who hit two 7-Eleven convenience stores early Wednesday, armed with a Klingon sword.


The first robbery was reported at 1:50 a.m., at 145 N. Spruce St. The clerk told police a white man in his 20s, wearing a black mask, black jacket, and blue jeans, entered the store with a weapon the clerk recognized from the Star Trek TV series.


The robber demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount.


Why yes, as a matter of fact it does say “the first robbery.” Another dude walked into the same store a few minutes later, also waving a bat’leth around, also demanding money. This time the clerk refused, and the guy took his prop and went out the door.


Obviously this is something that ought to be made fun of. To rob a 7-Eleven is bad enough; to rob a 7-Eleven with a Klingon sword is crime compounded by geekdom, which is just about unforgivable. But which way to go? There are so many possibilities. For instance, I could go topical:


Wow, those Klingons must be hard-up to resort to knocking off convenience stores.  I had no idea the economic crisis reached all the way to Qo’noS.


Or I could go super-nerdy:


That clerk’s just lucky the two robbers were sharing that one bat’leth. Imagine if the second guy had come in waving a Varon-T disrupter!


Alternatively, I could go with something funny. Though, really . . . a dude robbed a 7-Eleven with a fucking Klingon sword. How do you improve on that?
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