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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
This Saturday, show that special someone how much you care with a Bear-entine! 
Wednesday, February 11th, 2009 | 03:55 pm [holidays, humor]
Valentine’s Day is this weekend, and if you’re fortunate enough to have a special someone to celebrate it with, you’ll probably want to get something guaranteed to let the boy or girl in your life know exactly how much you care. Flowers are always nice. Jewelry. But might I suggest a more creative alternative? A gift that not only says “I care,” but “I spent more than two seconds picking this out.”

Of course, I’m talking about a Bear-entine. They’re cuter than flowers, and a fuck of a lot cheaper than jewelry, and that significant other in your life will love it, I guarantee it.

What sets Bear-entines apart from similar products like Boyd’s Bears or Bear-Grams from Vermont Teddy Bears is the level of customization available to customers. Sure, if all you want is a little bear holding some phony plastic flowers and a Mylar “I Love You!” balloon, we’ve got that. But what if your husband or wife has a very specific life story you’d like your Valentine’s Day trifle to reflect? Friend, say no more. However strange, or specific, or idiosyncratic your request may seem to you, we here at Bear-entines International have got what you’re looking for.


For instance, let’s say that special someone of yours is a survivor of the Jewish Holocaust. Sure, the flowers or the Bear-Gram with the little heart on his shirt is sweet, but it doesn’t really say “I’m glad you made it out of Buchenwald alive,” does it? That’s where our best-selling Nazi War Criminal Bear-entine comes in!


Nazi War Criminal Bear-entine!

As you can see, this little fellow represents all those monstrous fiends who were “just following orders” back then, complete with an authentic uniform and a gallows display stand. This little rascal has been convicted by history and punished for his crimes, and now he can be yours for only $29.99.


We’re pleased to be able to offer free shipping on all orders totaling $50.00 or over, but order now to make sure your loved one gets it by Valentine’s Day! If you order right now, we’ll send along our popular Apollo One Bear-entine, with his realistically distressed pressure suit and burned-out spacecraft display case, absolutely free!

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