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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Discover the awesome power of the dirty limerick 
Saturday, February 14th, 2009 | 09:49 pm [humor]

Is there a finer book on the planet for lazy bloggers and lovers of filthy humor than G. Legman’s The Limerick? I think not.


Previous articles featuring reprints from this indispensable volume have dealt with “Little Romances” and “Organs.” The next chapter is entitled “Strange Intercourse,” but this being Valentine’s Day, let’s skip ahead just a bit to Chapter VIII: “Excrement.” Please do enjoy.


There was a young lady named Ames

Who would play at the jolliest games.

   She was great fun to lay

   For her rectum would play

Obbligatos, and call you bad names.


When a woman in strapless attire

Found her breasts working higher and higher,

   A guest, with great feeling,

   Exclaimed, “How appealing!

Do you mind if I piss in the fire?”


There was a young fellow named Bart

Who strained every shit through a fart.

   Each tip-tapered turd

   Was the very last word

In this deft and most intricate art.


A nasty young joker named Bruce

Used to greet all his friends with a goose,

   Till it came to a stop

   In a handful of flop

From some bowels that were terribly loose.


The selection was tough, I admit,

But it did not dismay him one bit,

   Then, with ass thrown aloft

   He suddenly coughed . . .

And collapsed in a shower of shit.


Is that some inspirational poetry or is that some inspirational fucking poetry? It’s even inspired me to take a whack at it myself. Here’s my own modest contribution to the “Excrement” chapter:


A busty young woman was sitting

With a cotton tube-top she’d been knitting

   When she threw such a fit

   —It was too small for her tits!—

So she used it to wipe after shitting.


How’s that for just pulling it out of my ass?

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