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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
“Ottie’s Nightmare” is not to be, I’m afraid 
Saturday, May 30th, 2009 | 10:54 pm [cat, humor, writing]

This morning I got this idea for what the blog would be about. It’d be a story about me waked up in the middle of the night by the mournful meows of Ottie, going into her room to find her in the throes of a nightmare. I wake her up and ask her what’s wrong. She answers, in Spanish, that she’s just had a dream about a guy named Krueger trying to kill her. While I pet her to calm her down, I notice red scratches on her belly that spell out the words COUGH UP THIS HAIRBALL, BITCH!


I jump to the obvious conclusion and wake up Ashley and tell her that Ottie is being stalked in her dreams by Freddy Krueger.


Ashley and I undergo some quick self-hypnosis, ala the third Nightmare on Elm Street flick, Dream Warriors, and join Ottie in her dream, ready to kick Freddy’s horizontal-stripe-wearing ass all the way back to Springwood. We enter Ottie’s dream and found ourselves alongside her at an airport, moments before a plane crashes during an attempted takeoff. “What happened to that plane?” we ask an emergency worker as he runs by.


“I think it was a malfunctioning Krueger flap on one of the wings,” he says.


We all wake up. Ashley elbows me in the ribs and says, “You said she was dreaming about Freddy Krueger, not Krueger flaps.”


I defend myself by reminding her how bad my Spanish is. The scratched letters on Ottie’s belly are explained when we take her back to bed and find that she’d been sleeping on Ashley’s lucky shirt, the one with COUGH UP THIS HAIRBALL, BITCH! bedazzled across the front with tiny little metal spikes, turned inside-out. So it was all just one big coincidence!


Only I didn’t have time to write it.

Wednesday, June 3rd, 2009 | 07:52 pm (UTC) - That is some heavy, heavy shit.
Like seriously heavy shit.
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