In a mighty fine piece of news, former president Bill Clinton has managed to talk North Korean dicator Kim Jon Il into releasing the two American journalists his government has been holding prisoner since March. Bill and the ladies are on their way back to the U.S.A., according to the latest reports. Good on Bill for going over there and getting these two the hell out of there.
Honestly, I was a little surprised by this story — both that Bill Clinton wound up in what has traditionally been the Jimmy Carter role (I guess someone has to take over sometime, because surely Jimmy is getting no younger), and that it was all resolved so speedily. But then I thought about it a little, and it seemed obvious how Bill pulled it off, and why he was actually the perfect man for the job.
Here is my theory. Ready? Okay.
Bill Clinton is six-foot-two.
. . .
That is the entirety of my theory. Let me explain further: To us here in the United States, where the average height is a little under six feet, Bill Clinton looks like this:
However, in the malnurished, diminutive nation of North Korea, where the average height is somewhere between Lord Littlebrook and Danny Devito, Bill Clinton looks like this:
They probably feared he would go on a rampage and single-handedly destroy most of Pyongyang unless they met his demands.
Who says diplomacy is a waste of time?