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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Best Joke Ever (No, I Really Mean It This Time) 
Sunday, March 14th, 2010 | 12:30 pm [film, humor]
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Forgive me if I’ve told you this one already. I can’t remember if I’ve posted this one previously or not. Since it’s one of my favorite jokes, it’s a very distinct possibility.
 
I got this one from a buddy of mine way back in the Gotham Gossip days, who went by Yojimbo. Thanks for the sweet joke, Jim. I’ve been telling it ever since.
 
Here goes: 
 
A film student is crossing the street one day when he’s hit by a truck and killed instantly. He wakes up outside the gates of Heaven, with St. Peter standing over him. Peter escorts the film student through the gates, and explains that each person who dies gets to spend eternity in a special Heaven designed to cater to his greatest love in life. There’s a Baseball Heaven, for example, where you’d find Lou Gehrig; and a Whores ‘n Hot Dogs Heaven, where you’d find Babe Ruth.
 
The film student, having been a lover of the cinema all his earthly life, gets to go to Movie Heaven. His eyes pop wide and stay that way as Peter conducts him on an introductory tour. Every great name in the history of movies seems to be here. In one corner the film student sees Akira Kurosawa and Douglas Fairbanks trading fencing tips, while in another Orson Welles and Alfred Hitchcock sit at a picnic table chowing down on the biggest meatball sandwiches he’s ever seen. There’s Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin arguing about something, with Harold Lloyd standing by trying in vain to get a word in. And there’s Toshiro Mifune, beating up Jesus!
 
And in the center, seated in an elevated throne, dressed in white robes with a yellow beam of sun lighting his beatific face, is Stanley Kubrick.
 
“Wow!” says the film student. “It’s Stanley Kubrick!”
 
“No,” says St. Peter with a chuckle. “That’s God. He only thinks he’s Stanley Kubrick.”

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