Today is April Fool’s Day (By the way, in 2018 Easter will fall on April Fool’s Day — so don’t bother thinking of a prank for that one; it’ll take care of itself.), which means that websites everywhere will put up phony headlines (though not Rick Scaia, apparently, unless he’s running late this year), and folks will post ridiculous shit to their Facebook profiles about finding religion, or switching political affiliations, or discovering the murdered corpses of their entire families with “A COMMENCEMENT, THIS” written on the carpet in their blood, and then come clean and be all like “April Fools!” whether anyone bites or not.
Instead of doing that, I wrote some limericks. Enjoy. Ashley helped me out with the first one. Sometimes you need a push, you know.
A young man from Washington County In his pants had a breathtaking bounty. Through the streets he would go, And happily crow: “I dare any bitch here to mount me!”
A student at old Shepherd College Long wandered its halls seeking knowledge. He excitedly sputtered The great truth he’d discovered: “That ram statue’s perfect for frottage!”
My cranky cat, Fargas XII, Spends his days napping on the book shelf. When I lean in for kisses He rears back and hisses And tells me to go fuck myself.
As Batman and Superman sat In the Batcave just chewing the fat, Lois came on TV, And Bats shouted with glee, “Goddamn, would I love to hit that!”
And since this is Holy Week . . .
They took Jesus down from the cross, Combed his beard, gave his hair a good gloss, Washed his face, cleaned his cuts, Tied a bow on his nuts, And in a tomb his dead ass they did toss.