Way back in 2006, when Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were still married, and the President of the United States was some white guy from Texas who didn’t know his ass from an appraisal well, I wrote one of my first blog articles about Larry D. Kump. I titled it “Mr. Larry D. Kump has issues,” little knowing how prophetic it was. Today he truly does have issues — and they are issues that affect the lives of the ordinary, simple folk of the West Virginia House of Delegates’s 52nd District.
That’s right, brothers and sisters — Larry Kump is running for office.
He describes himself as “a grass-roots/libertarian/conservative candidate running on the Republican ticket.” What are the issues the Kumpster cares about? He lists three big ones:
If you’re like me, you’re probably saying to yourself, “Aren’t those actually five issues?” This is true. You might also be tempted to make a smartass crack about how poorly phrased and redundant that last one is. But please bear in mind what an improvement the present line is over the original, “Returning Government Back to the People From Where It Came From in the First Place.”
- Jobs and Prosperity
- Personal Liberty and Family Values
- Returning Government Back to the People
Larry’s campaign blog seems short on specifics. He doesn’t like taxes, or government oversight. He favors term limits (which is good), giving voters the power to recall elected officials (which is a great idea, but has even less of a shot at becoming law than term limits), and popular initiative (which is one of the worst ideas ever). He even wants to put a “None of the Above” option on the ballot alongside the candidates! I’ve been saying they should do that for years! What a thief.
I’m all for getting fresh blood involved in the political process, especially at the state and local level. There’s far too little turnover in political offices, and having new faces out there campaigning, new names on the ballot, is never a bad thing. So far as that goes, I’m behind the Kumpster 100%.
On the other hand, he’s a creepy old Mormon who refers to Joseph Smith’s half-borrowed forgeries as the Restored Gospel, and will not shut the fuck up about Jesus. So I’m not voting for him.
That, plus I live in Maryland.