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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
An Open Letter to Glenn Beck, On Mother’s Day 
Sunday, May 9th, 2010 | 08:02 pm [commentary, glenn beck, history, holidays]
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Glenn, 
 
Watching and listening to you these last several years, I’ve learned that you can’t be counted on to read between the lines with any degree of accuracy whatsoever. I wouldn’t want you taking this letter as yet another small component in a wider progressive plot to discredit and marginalize you, so let me just say this up front:
 
You are the most contemptible person in media. You slander your political opponents, you claim those in office who disagree with you are actively working for our ruination, you conjure wild, mad conspiracy theories to support your bizarre, untenable positions, and off the top of my head I’d say you are unequivocally wrong more times per minute than anyone else on the whole goddamn planet. And whether all of this is due to your willful dishonesty or your nearly inconceivable ignorance makes no difference to me. The results are the same: your daily radio and television programs, which often make Coast to Coast AM look like NPR’s Science Friday by comparison. 
 
In short, Glenn, you’re a piece of shit. 
 
Now that we understand each other, I want to tell you a few things about Mother’s Day, since you seem to know no more about it than any other aspect of American history.
 
Monday on your radio show you said the following about Mother’s Day — while reading an ad for the Vermont Teddy Bear Co., no less:
 

Can you believe Mother’s Day week — by the way, Sarah and I were talking on Saturday and she didn’t believe me, or it was on Friday, and she didn’t believe me. And I said, Mother’s Day, it’s a scam. It’s a big business scam. And I said, I bet it was started by Woodrow Wilson. Look it up, Sarah. And she didn’t. I said, look it up. She’s like, no, I’m not going to look it up. I said, look it up, I’ll bet you, I’ll bet you. Mother’s Day? Started 1914. Woodrow Wilson. Hate that guy. Love my mom. Hate the holiday.

 
Because Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the first nationally recognized Mother’s Day in 1914, you seem to believe it was all Wilson’s idea, part of some dark plot from the man who brought us such horrors as the Federal Trade Commission and the Clayton Antitrust Act. To believe this, you are either willfully ignoring or unaware of the following:
 
—The modern celebration of Mother’s Day is inspired in large part by the European holiday Mothering Sunday, which dates back to medieval times and was first recognized by the Catholic Church. Mothering Sunday is still celebrated in Ireland and the United Kingdom to this day.
 
—Ann Jarvis, an activist who wanted to reunite families torn apart by the American Civil War, began attempting to organize Mother’s Day celebrations in the late 1860s. Julia Ward Howe organized Mother’s Day observances in New York and Boston around this same time. Ann Jarvis dreamed of taking her campaign all the way to Congress, and seeing Mother’s Day recognized as a national holiday, but she died in 1905 before reaching that goal. To honor her, and by extension, mothers everywhere, Anna Jarvis, daughter of Ann, took up the campaign to see Mother’s Day become an annual national holiday.
 
—In 1908, in Grafton, West Virginia, the home of Ann Jarvis, a ceremony was held in honor of Mother’s Day. Another, larger ceremony took place simultaneously in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. In 1910 West Virginia made Mother’s Day an official state holiday, and many other states followed suit.
 
—In 1914, following an act of Congress that officially designated the second Sunday of May to be Mother’s Day, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed the first official nationwide Mother’s Day. And lest you think him in collusion with those bastards at Hallmark, Wilson’s only request upon the day was for “government officials to display the United States flag on all buildings, and the people of the United States to display the flag at their homes or other suitable places on the second Sunday in May as a public expression of our love and reverence for the mothers of our country.”
 
In other words, Woodrow Wilson had absolutely nothing to do with the long and rather involved history of Mother’s Day until he proclaimed it as a national holiday in 1914, and even then his role was strictly ceremonial, acting in accordance with the act passed by Congress establishing the day.
 
I heard you on Imus in the Morning the other day say that you believed Mother’s Day to be a progressive conspiracy. When pressed, you said, “I don’t know what they want us to do, but I’m not doing to do it.”
 
Good for you, Glenn. You fight the good fight against those nasty progressives. After Mother’s Day, and antitrust laws, and the regulation of the stock market, and the Food and Drug Administration, and public education, and laws prohibiting exploitative child labor, and the 40-hour work week, and the minimum wage, and the National Park Service, and the extension of the political franchise to women and non-whites, and the civil rights movement, I’d say they’ve done enough damage to this great country of ours.
 
Sorry — again, I know you’re rather thick. I should probably make it clear that I was being sarcastic just now. All those things I mentioned in that previous paragraph were positive reforms that made this a much better, more equitable, more honorable country. And you, Glenn, are the Andre the Giant of morons. 
  
                                                  
Yours in Christ, 
  
                                        Steve Shives
Comments 
Sunday, May 16th, 2010 | 03:22 am (UTC)
Anonymous
Except that Andre the Giant was cool.
Sunday, May 16th, 2010 | 08:54 pm (UTC)
Word.

Maybe I should have said "the El Gigante of morons" instead.
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