Almost every day, my local newspaper, the venerable Herald-Mail, devotes a significant portion of section A to a feature called Mail Call, or sometimes You Said It. Any local nut-job can call a toll-free number and get whatever fanatical, fevered digressions that are on his mind printed in the front segment of the paper for all to see. I used to think it was a waste of space, but now that I’m looking for things to write about daily, it’s kind of fun. Let’s see what the dear citizens of the four-state area had to say in yesterday's edition:
"My husband and I were in a restaurant today. There were two young women and a man at a table with a small boy with no shirt on. The two girls were speaking loudly and nastily to the child, threatening to take him outside, counting to three and numerous other threats. To the two girls: His behavior wasn't bad, but yours was. Perhaps you need parenting classes. You were both rude, loud and obnoxious. You looked ridiculous and I feel sorry for the child. If I knew who you were, I'd send Social Services to investigate."
This is a great example of what I hate about Mail Call in general – this woman addresses herself to a specific audience, but in reality she’s just holding court to let us all know how much better she is than the girls she is supposedly talking to. I doubt they read the paper. If you just want to show off and see your words in print so you can point them out to others and say “Oh, look how smart I am,” then get a blog. I agree with you, though, that rude, loud, obnoxious people aren't nearly hard enough to find. And what’s with the kid not having a shirt on? These people can afford to go out to eat, but these past few years they just haven’t found time to finish the baby shopping? I remember a controversy a few years ago when, in the interest of fairness, a few towns declared it legal for a woman to walk around topless in public, since men had been able to parade around shirtless since as far back as anyone could remember. To me, it makes more sense to go the other way, and eliminate the double-standard by making it illegal for men to walk around shirtless, too. There are two reasons for a man to go out in public without a shirt on: one, he's too lazy to get dressed; and two, he's showing off. Neither is a good reason. In his own house, my father walks around in nothing but his underwear half the day when he doesn’t have to go to work. When he goes outside, he puts a fucking shirt on. It takes two seconds.
"P.T. Barnum must have had Republicans in mind when he stated his famous statement."
He was talking about Republicans when he said, “A fool and his money are soon parted?” That’s kind of a stretch; last I checked, Ted Stevens was doing pretty good.
"We desperately need year-round schools. Parents can't afford the care for their kids during the summer. I see the kids running all over. They have nothing to do. Only kids with money have something to do, maybe go to the mall. This is a problem that is America's secret shame. We have money for everything else - to send a man to the moon, but we can't take care of the children. This needs to stop."
Is sending a man to the moon still monopolizing that much of the budget? People always bitch about that when things don’t go their way – “They can put a man on the moon, but I can’t get a decent goddamn cup of coffee.” But men haven’t walked on the moon in 34 years, so isn’t it about time we cited something more up to date? I’m partial to, “We can spend billions on an arbitrary foreign war, but we can’t get the President a decent haircut?” As for having money for “everything else,” I wouldn’t mention that to the folks downtown who run the homeless shelter and can only afford to keep it open half a day, a few months a year.
"I just want to give you an example of (how) liberals (think). Right now they have a death row inmate on hold because they don't know if injecting him with a lethal injection is a humane way of killing him. So they're putting him on hold for murder because they want to see if this is a humane way of killing him. Now these are the same people who think it is all right to run a scissors in a baby's head in a partial birth abortion and using abortion as a form of birth control. These (individuals) are wondering if it's humane to kill a murderer with a lethal injection but they don't even think about that baby. Now are you going to tell me that you want these kind of people running our country? I don't think so."
Seems like an easy choice, until you remember that the people who are currently running the country are responsible for the deaths of over 2,700 soldiers and over 40,000 civilians in the last three years. I detest the invective usage of “liberal” and “conservative,” particularly since neither group has even a slight moral advantage on the other. There are endless numbers of people who identify themselves as liberal or conservative who are exactly like this guy, who would rather point out what a bunch of assholes the other guys are than talk about how to fix anything. So there are liberals who try to justify late-term abortions. And there are conservatives who are only too willing to turn somersaults to rationalize a futile and immoral war. This is why I don’t vote.
"I can't believe that the Republicans voted down the minimum wage law. It looks like to me that they're not for the working class."
No shit. Thank God the working class has the Democrats on its side, though, huh? We’ll have this poverty thing under control in no time.