Better appreciate little ol’ Toby Benson while you can, because Hollywood is callin’, you know what I’m sayin’? Today was day one of shooting my motion picture debut, my big coming-out party for the world, a little project from Neon Reel Entertainment called Toby Benson Wants His Money.
Steve wrote it, and of course the director and he had no choice but to let me play myself. It was the only way I’d let ‘em use my name, baby. Got to look out for number one.
It’s an okay script, I guess. Not very true to life, but whatever. That’s how they do things in Hollywood, right? (Or at least in Hagerstown — or as it’s known from now on, Hollywood, Maryland.)
[Editor’s Note: After submitting this piece for publication, Toby Benson was informed that there is already an actual town in Maryland named Hollywood. He has declined to make a correction.]
Matt Matzen’s a good director. I mean, I think he is. He knows his way around a camera and lighting and all that, but I don’t think he knows what to do with actors. Meaning me, specifically. He just had me sit still the whole time. What’s the deal with that? I need to move around, baby, do my thing. I’m a very physical actor. He’s got me sitting there like an inanimate object.
But whatever. My charisma transcends movement, and it will carry Toby Benson Wants His Money into cinematic history, baby. Stuffy might have to find himself a new partner for Dog vs. Dog, ‘cause Toby Benson is about to blow up.