Ken Ham and his band of nutty fundamentalists at Answers in Genesis — being the same bunch that brought us the Creation Museum in Petersburg, Kentucky — are planning another multi-million-dollar attraction intended to convince children and credulous adults that every single thing depicted in the Bible actually happened exactly as described.
Having already taken a gleeful piss on natural history, Ham and the AiG gang are skipping ahead a few years and turning their attention to another Sunday school favorite: the story of Noah’s Ark.
Yes, yes, the ark, constructed so that Noah, his family, and an implausibly large and diverse menagerie of animals might survive God’s great flood, an event which would have resulted in the most horrendous act of genocide ever perpetrated, had it actually taken place.
Ark Encounter — or, as I like to call it, God Willfully Drowns Every Living Thing on Earth: The Amusement Park!
Shit, did I say “amusement park”? I beg your pardon.
The Ark Encounter will be an immersive, historically themed experience for the whole family focused on having fun while learning about history. It is not an amusement park.
Right, because I should think there isn’t much amusement to be had in the story of God murdering nearly every human being on the planet. (Ham seems to have been a bit of a cut-up, but apart from that it’s all rotting oxen and tits-up babies.) Unfortunately for those who will flock to the Ark Encounter when it opens in 2014, there isn’t much history to be had, either.
The Ark Encounter will not only present the great flood as a literal historical occurrence, but will also feature a passenger list aboard the ark that includes unicorns and dinosaurs (or “dragons of the land,” which is the AiG-preferred term).
This immersive, historically themed experience will be located on a site in Grant County, Kentucky, approximately a 45-minute drive from the Creation Museum, firmly establishing northern Kentucky as the global hub of delusional fundamentalism. Sorry, Orlando, but the Holy Land Experience just don’t cut it anymore.