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Steve Likes to Curse
Writing, comics and random thoughts from really a rather vulgar man
Don't know much ufology 
Thursday, May 3rd, 2007 | 10:34 am [commentary, conspiracy theories]
Steve
Shitting on tax protesters and reading the feeble rebuttals from kooky folks like Anonymous the last two weeks has been so much fun that I want to chase that feeling. So I did some reading, some web research, and it turns out there’s a huge area of nutty conspiracy theories that I have barely touched on, but which definitely warrants some attention. I refer, of course, to Little Green Men.
 
Or are they gray? Whatever — the point is, they’re here and they’ve been here for a long time. Their highly advanced technology provided the basis for our development of stealth airplanes, and they even signed a treaty with the United States government in the 1950s to allow them to legally abduct cows and citizens to conduct experiments. How do we know so much about these aliens despite the fact that their existence has never been proven nor acknowledged by the government or any reputable agency? We know from the testimony of a few brave men — patriots, heroes, citizens of Earth willing to stand in the face of alien and government oppression to tell the truth. And today I will share with you the tales of two of these brave men.
 
Milton Cooper served in the U.S. Air Force and Navy, was a decorated veteran of the Vietnam War. In 1989 he self-published a pamphlet, The Secret Government: The Origin, Identity and Purpose of MJ-12, revealing that following World War II, the U.S. was bombarded by crash-landing flying saucers. Cooper writes that 16 alien spacecraft crashed between 1947 and 1952, and from those craft 65 alien corpses and one survivor were recovered. President Truman, presumably quite alarmed that UFOs were suddenly smacking into the planet like bugs on a windshield, and that nearly all of them had crashed in the southwestern U.S., formed the CIA in 1947 for the express purpose of dealing with the alien threat.
 
Truman and the rest of the government decided to keep the aliens — who were slamming into the Earth with clockwork regularity by now — secret from the public. When his Secretary of State James Forrestal objected to the secrecy, the CIA murdered him — not by shooting him, or poisoning him, or simply making him disappear, but by tying a sheet around his neck and shoving him out a window.
 
The alien survivor, recovered from a crash in Roswell in 1949 according to Cooper, was named EBE (Extraterrestrial Biological Entity). Though tightlipped at first, EBE eventually spilled his guts about a plethora of alien technology to his earthling captors. Cooper doesn’t go into details, only calls the information “startling.” EBE took ill in 1952 and apparently died, though Cooper only implies his death. Also in 1952, Truman chartered the National Security Agency to decipher the alien language and open communications with them. The NSA efforts paid off in 1954, when President Eisenhower met with aliens at Edwards Air Force Base and signed a treaty with them allowing the aliens to periodically abduct U.S. citizens for medical experimentation, and promising that each government — U.S. and alien — would keep out of the other’s affairs. The aliens, large Grays, were from a planet orbiting Betelgeuse in the constellation Orion. Following the signing of the treaty (which I assume must have been ratified by the Senate), the Grays sent their first ambassador to Earth, His Omnipotent Highness Krill.
 
And on and on it goes. President Kennedy’s announcement of the space program in the early 1960s was just a cover-up so massive amounts of funding could be redirected to the “real” space program, the one begun in the ‘40s based on alien technology; Kennedy was assassinated for threatening to “clean up” the MJ-12 program, which sold drugs to raise money to fight the aliens, who had long ago broken the treaty; a secret fund was used to build 75 underground bases for use by MJ-12, without the knowledge of subsequent presidents. Nowhere does Cooper produce even a shred of evidence to support his testimony; he claims to have seen some of this for himself, and assures us that film of alien landings and meetings and photographs of EBE exist, though none have ever seen the light of day. Serious ufologists (if there can be such a thing) largely reject Coopers claims as ridiculous. Cooper — who was also a tax protester, in a lovely bit of nut-job synergy, and had arrest warrants in his name for tax evasion and bank fraud — was killed in a shootout with Apache County Sheriff’s deputies who were attempting to serve him a warrant for threatening people walking by his home with a handgun.
 
Phil Schneider is another victim of the government conspiracy to hide the truth about alien visitation and manipulation. Phil helped to build those underground bases Cooper mentions in his pamphlet. There were 129 of them by the time Phil started making the lecture circuit in 1994. Before he became a professional speaker on the subject of secret alien invasions, Phil had been a geologist, chemist and expert on explosives. In 1979 he started working with the company Morrison and Knudson to build an addition to an underground base in Dulce, New Mexico. While taking samples of the subterranean rock, Phil and the rest of the team encountered a large group of Grays in a cavern. A shootout ensued during which 66 Secret Service agents and NATO troops were killed; Phil was among the three humans who survived.
 
Aliens weren’t the only government secret to which Phil claimed insight. His lectures also revealed that the government was manufacturing thousands of railroad cars (conveniently very near where Phil was living in Oregon) which they planned to use to transport the American people en masse to prison camps; that the 1993 World Trade Center bombing and the Oklahoma City bombing were not the result of a nitrate bomb, but a small nuclear explosion; that the Contract With America was an effort to destroy the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, contained language used by Hitler in 1931, and that as a result America probably had “less than six months of life left”; that AIDS was created in a government lab in 1972 using the glandular excretions of an alien humanoid, and was intended as a biological weapon; that government agents armed with Uzis followed him in black vans and he was only able to elude them by stopping in the middle of the road and running them off into a ravine.
 
Phil was found dead in his apartment on January 17, 1996. He’d been dead several days, and there was a rubber hose tied around his neck. His death was ruled a suicide, though of course many of his supporters insist to this day that he was murdered. Like Milton Cooper, Phil Schneider spoke often of the evidence in support of his claims, but failed to produce a single piece of irrefutable proof that anything he said was true. Read a partial transcript and watch video of one of his final lectures here. Does this seem like a guy who was murdered by the CIA because he “knew too much?”
 
Naturally, all this alien stuff ties in with the New World Order. The Council on Foreign Relations, the Bilderberg Group, the Trilateral Commission — they all have a piece of this alien thing, and they all work together as a secret government to rule the world. It’s the same old conspiracy nut saw, dressed up with some bad sci-fi for pizzazz. Here’s a typical website detailing the whole sordid affair. Apparently there’s some disagreement as to where the Grays come from. Cooper claimed they were from Betelgeuse, while others maintain the aliens’ home planet is in the Zeta Reticuli system. Phil Schneider resolved this conflict by claiming that there are actually a shitload of different alien races visiting the Earth constantly. Seems a little fishy to me, though. And hey, who are you gonna believe? A nut like Phil Schneider, or the firsthand account of an actual Gray?
 
Our home planet is in the star system of Zeta Reticuli, or, shall we say, what you term Zeta Reticuli. We, of course, have our own names for things. Zeta Reticuli is indeed a binary star system, or at least that part of it you, on Earth, are aware of. In fact, there is much more to the star system than you are aware of. The binary stars circle each other on an extreme end of Zeta Reticuli, less than into the star system itself. The other are composed of stars not visible to you, on Earth, but nevertheless affecting the gravitational pull of the other stars and planets in the system. These other of the bulk of the star system are only evident by the erratic nature of the dance visible to you, on Earth, of the two visible binary stars.
 
I’m convinced, I don’t know about you.
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